Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Probably Incoherent RE: Rachel, Patti, Aidan


Feeling like dog. Fever, chills, aches, bronchitis and my effin neighbors upstairs have been BANGING for the past two hours, not even my iPod can make it stop. I am in hell right now. BANG! Cough, can't sleep because BANG!I have had it with this country and my condominium with paper-thin walls. Can you imagine, you can hear EVERYTHING, so when one couple starts banging (not the strip the bathroom bang THE bang) I look at my husband, he looks at me and we refuse to be outbanged by any neighbor, so the BangWar begins. Yeah, we have a rockin' condominium. Can you tell I've hit the point of total delirium? I CAN'T SLEEP, the NOISE is hell! The last ten days of my life have been hell, and now I'm freaking sick to top it all off. BANG!BANG!BANG! Is it annoying you reading about it, because it's driving me crazy?!!

The worst part of all of this is that I can't think and there were like five powerblogs on deafread.com yesterday. Aidan's was like a mile long, deep as ever and I got lost. However, her grand finale was appreciated and very true in our case, I'm totally into the "It takes a village to raise a child..." Istia-Grosseto all the way, baby! (Aidan, btw, you aren't the only one who has been told she's black under the white skin *smile*)

"The Deaf community strongly believes in collaborating with others in order to raise a happy, healthy and hopeful Deaf child. It takes a family. It takes teachers. It takes clergy. It takes businesspeople. And it takes community leaders. It takes people who look out to protect our rights, education, health and safety, It takes all of us, the village."The only adjective that doesn't work for me is "hopeful," I don't want my son to be "hopeful," I want him to conquer the world. And...I would add that it also takes doctors- Pediatricians, audiologists and surgeons...this is my reality in our journey in deafness.

Rachel's made me cry and I haven't cried in a very long time...must be the fever. Patti's response to Rachel touched me especially when she called her "sister, " and threw out this:
I have refrained from responding to many of your blog entries because i did not want to come off the wrong way. Because i did not want to contribute to any of the harm u have already experienced. Because i do not want to exemplify it's open season on Rachel and Melissa.

It is not and it should not be.


Anonymous left this comment on yesterday's blog:
And, BTW, about being a Rachel fan... I do think she is her own person, independent of her mother. She's more willing to listen than her mother is. I left this on another blog just now: There is a huge difference between a hearing mom like Jodi Del Dottore and a hearing mom like Melissa. While I wish Jodi were making sure Jordan learns LIS ASAP, she is open to everyone. She is not indoctrinating Jordan with the idea that Deaf culture is bad and scary, unlike Melissa. I believe Melissa made it so that Rachel thought Deaf people were bad. So when Rachel sees a tiny bit of anti-CI from a few of us (and it's just a few of us!), she immediately thinks "Mom was right," and reinforces what she learned from her mom - Deaf people are to be avoided.
So I appreciate that you're in here, actively trying to engage us in dialogue rather than huffily dictating to us from a holier-than-thou perch. Thank you, Jodi.


I know this wasn't your intention, but comments like these make me feel like shit.
I love Melissa and Rachel because they are true advocates for the cochlear implant, their experience has led them to take a position. They are taking this position so that other parents interested in the cochlear implant realize what is possible with the ci. Nobody has to agree with them, but their strong voice is present, that is already something. I'm wishy washy. I stand behind my choice for my son, but still regret not having incorporated sign, which honestly, would have been too much. Don't even think of putting a hearing aid in my face to try and compare it to a ci, because then, I will no longer be wishy washy.

Melissa is not indoctrinating Rachel with the idea that Deaf Culture is bad and scary, certain comments left on Rachel's blog take care of that all by themselves. Melissa is supporting her daughter in this new endeavor, depsite being constantly criticized, I mean really, who needs the aggravation of being constantly criticized...but here is the kicker, and this is the kicker for me as well.

Having made it through years of av-therapy, ups and downs, temper tantrums, school meetings where they tell you your kid is violent, heart to hearts with your family when they tell you you are doing the wrong thing for your son, crying fits, hypersensitivity, rejection, peer difficulties to finally reach the point of taking the photo of your kid smiling while talking on the telephone because he can hear his mom's voice, he translates a sentence from English to Italian faster than anyone in his study group, he brings home an "A" on his History exam, he plays the piano on National Television and the guitar for an intimate group of fifty...all smiling. There were no smiles for so many years, just a lot of very hard work. This is why we are here writing about our experience and unphased by any type of criticism whatsoever. There is no woman more powerful than a mother who sees her son or daughter taking on the world.

PS. Happy Birthday DAD!!!! Love you!

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Blog...
There's something I want to tell about Jodi and her Blog...
Jodi, my wonderfull wife and mother of my kids, Jordan and Sofia, since she started this blog has put all of herself in it. she spend most of her free time to improve it and make it better. She is a very sensitive person with a good heart that put her in the position where she is willing to help people, to help everybody...
often i can see she getting extremely sad or happy depending on what you people comment on her blog. I see how important the blog has become in her life and how important it is for all of you. I'm proud of my wife and I loves her and my kids and I'll always support her... so go ahead Jodi, you're doing such a great thing.. and of course i loves you.. LU

Stephen said...

Jo....thank you for my birthday wishes - great to be 39 (again!). Your readers should know that we have been sending each other poems on our birthdays (that review the year gone by) - we've been doing it for more than 30 years. It is the best gift you can receive - it is from the heart...I cherish every one of my poems and go back and read them often. You see how great Jodi writes her blogs...imagine the poetry!!! LuvUdad

Melissa said...

Jodi,

First, a big thank you for your understanding and support. As I've said on a few blogs, I'm a mother, and when people say nasty things about or to my daughter, my mother bear claws come out. It doesn't matter if she's 2 or 20 or 40. I'll still always be her mother, and I will always have that protective instinct. Second, as Rachel wrote in her latest blog entry, she grew up first fairly oblivious to the controversy she was living in and then, when she was still young and did learn about it, it wasn't something that caught much of her focus. I, on the other hand, lived it. I lived the hostility, the false and nasty accusations, etc. A commenter on your previous post mentioned Harlan Lane. Just that name makes my blood pressure rise. He was the worst of the worst when CIs first began in children. He not only refused to admit that they could work, but when my friend attended one of his lectures with his hearing, speaking deaf CI daughter and approached Lane afterwards asking him to speak with her, Lane refused. Talk about close mindedness!

I'm very aware of the history of the deaf and of what transpired in the past. I don't condone it, and I understand why it resulted in the deaf culture and why some of its members feel so strongly about it. What I don't agree with, though, is those few extremists who to this day refuse to acknowledge that the CI can be a good thing and that it can work and provide young deaf children with excellent auditory comprehension. The whole debate over whether or not to use ASL, whether a child is implanted or not, is separate, and it's totally up to the individual family to make that decision.

I am very appreciative of those in the deaf community who have been open minded and whose thoughts have evolved as they have seen what the CI has done for the lives of so many children. I respect them, and I understand their choices. I only ask that my choices be respected and accepted. It's when I start to hear the kind of anti-CI rhetoric that I heard so many years ago that I still get angry because it's not fair to children born deaf today nor to their parents.

Aidan Mack said...

hope·ful /ˈhoʊpfəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hohp-fuhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective

1. full of hope; expressing hope: His hopeful words stimulated optimism.

2. exciting hope; promising advantage or success: a hopeful prospect.

–noun
3. a person who shows promise or aspires to success: the Democratic presidential hopeful.

I am here to clarify the definition of Hopeful. Trust me, I know my stuff. :o)

I wonder if anyone notice that some people have a pattern that they keep on twisting these words into negative such as "Militant", "Hopeful", and many words? Whats up with this? Is this a part of fetish thing? ;o)

Aidan

K.L. said...

Well said Jodi. Hope you feel better soon. Get earplugs.

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Aidan,
R U a Harley Chick? Nice photo. I'm not trying to turn "hopeful" into something negative, we all need to hope for something, but it's too passive of a word for my aggressive self. The rest of the post was fine...lol, Jodi
PS. That sushi place sounded beyond!

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Melissa,
You know that I appreciate how you have turned your experience into an opportunity to help others. You are active on yahoo groups and in the community and it is your strong conviction that makes you a reliable source when you give information. That type of voice is necessary, Rachel has that same tone. Live for you guys, Jodi

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Thanks k.l, at least the banging has stopped...smack, Jodi

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

What a man, my man...loves you, too...

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Okay Dad,
Do you have to share everything with the world?? Between your post and Luca's my fever has just escalated off the chart...blushing, Jodi

Divided said...

Hi Jodi, Hope you're feeling better...been sick twice already!!Ok, just caught up with your blog and wanted to let you know that Harlan Lane's book " The Mask of Benevolence" has been translated in Italian. You may be interested in purchasing the Italian version so your sweet dear husband can also read it. In spite of Harlan's past views on cochlear implants, it is a must read!

Jodi...I don't know how you do it or find the energy to do it but I enjoy your blog. Curious to know if you've had the opportunity to meet Terry G and his family yet?

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Hiya Divided,
Haven't met Terry G, although we have corresponded a couple of times, nice guy. Thank you. Also, thanks for sticking around Christina's blog, she needs the moral support and info you provide...sweating, smile, Jodi

Rhonda said...

Hey Jodi, If it is any consolation to you..... I feel like shit too!
:-(

Aidan said...

No, I am not a "Harley chick." I would never refer to myself by such a degrading term ("chick"). I am no one's "chick." :o) I majored in women studies. "Bitch" and "chick," are words that we should avoid using. They are oppressive terms used to degrade women. "Bitch" means female dog, of course, and using "chick" is the attempt to portray women in an infantile way.

To answer your question: I am a racing motorcyclist. That's something quite different than the Harley Davidson scene.

Jodi, it amazes me that you still do not understand this definition. I am not talking about gambling on a child. I am talking about something that is guaranteed. "Hopeful" means guaranteed in this respect.

Melissa: You amaze me. You are trying to put words in our mouths and scold us. I suspect that you and both of your daughters are having a hard time being able to see things from other people's perspectives. Do you realize that there are many children with cochlear implants who are failing, even though they were implanted when they were very young? I spoke with a few teachers who work in a CI program who are saying that there are only a small percentage of implanted children who are succeeding and that many of these CI children are being left behind and now it is too late for them to develop a proper first-language foundation. They will have to start from scratch now and be exposed to ASL in order to receive a proper foundation in language. Why aren't all Deaf babies allowed to learn to sign so that they have something to fall back on if their implants are not successful?

Lastly, "What I don't agree with, though, is those few extremists who to this day refuse to acknowledge that the CI can be a good thing and that it can work and provide young deaf children with excellent auditory comprehension."

What about the pro-CI extremists who to this day refuse to acknowledge that ASL will be a good thing that WILL work, and will provide young deaf children with excellent futures and strong linguistic foundation?

You say: "It's when I start to hear the kind of anti-CI rhetoric that I heard so many years ago that I still get angry because it's not fair to children born deaf today nor to their parents."

But actually, it is your problem that you seem to be unable to see the point of view of those who are opposed to your point of view. I am willing to listen particular views of people who are generally opposed to my views, and then it's my prerogative to decide whether accept those particular views or reject them. I have considered the evidence and have decided that I do NOT support the concept of implanting deaf children, because I see that many children are failing with their CI's and only a few children are succeeding. You are telling us to look only at your daughter's apparent success and foget about all the children who are failing with their CI's. THAT to me is gambling, and I do not accept any type of gambling with children's futures. Children are not play things to be used as pawns in a childrearing gambling scheme.

Aidan

Aidan said...

"You are telling us to look only at your daughter's apparent success and foget about all the children who are failing with their CI's."

Typo: foget

Correction: forget

Aidan

Anonymous said...

As Jordan would probably tell ya, "Silence is Golden!"
Lucky kid doesn't have to listen to the BANG BANG BANG like you do!

LOL,

Lucky

Paula Rosenthal said...

Jodi,

Was wondering why I hadn't heard back from you. Feel better and keep those germs overseas. My boys were both sick recently and it took forever to get them better. Luckily, I only had a 3 day thing.

Luca, I see why Jodi is madly in love! :) What a sweet man you are.

Happy birthday, Stephen! How's the PR going?

Did you all hear about the deaf Uganda cochlear implant recipient who was activated from New York via the Internet? My surgeon and audiologist at NYU accomplished that! I blogged about it tonight.

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Aidan,
I strike the "chick" and "bitch" comment in reference to you, that I totally understand...I'll just leave you with "intense and passionate..." Race on. *smile* Jodi
I'm feeling another blog coming on about "hopeful" :)

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Paula,
I will write you back about all that you wrote, I've been half dead and just writing my dad's birthday poem was a struggle. Today I feel a little better, still sweating, though.
I read about Dr. Roland's activation, it was posted on CI CIRCLE. Amazing...now I'll go check out your blog- I left off on March 3rd. Welcome back!!!! smack, Jodi

Jodi Cutler Del Dottore said...

Lucky,
Don't think I wasn't thinking that as I was writing the post *smile* Jodi

Lisa C. said...

Jodi,
You are blessed to have a wonderful husband like him who made a very nice comment about you.

Get well real soon.