Can you even imagine if my true purpose were to piss people off? I irritate people and it isn't even my intention to do so. Yes, I am assertive, but I am so non-violent. I manage to provoke people's sensitivity unknowingly, see Patti's blog as a reaction to my earlier post. Today, my sensitivity was provoked, yes, I am very sensitive and I am in NO way trying to tell anyone how to raise their kids. This blog is mine, a place where I can listen, reflect and learn from others, not tell others what to do - because, believe me, I am NO authority on life.
Jordan came home from school at 1:00 pm. with two girls from his class instead of taking the bus, because he was too upset to take the jam-packed bus. He asked the mom of these two girls if she would give him a ride, he knew this mom from elementary school. Ah, elementary school, the good old days. Apparently something dramatic transpired in class today and Jordan had an inappropriate reaction to this event. So, we discussed the incident and had him write a letter to the class that he will read tomorrow in school. This is what he wrote:
To my Teachers and my Classmates:
Yesterday, while I was in class and I was playing with a paper airplane that I had made, a couple of my classmates tackled me to break the airplane. In doing this, they held me in a position so that I was unable to move and knocked my cochlear implant to the ground. When I felt my cochlear implant knocked off my head and I couldn't move to do anything about it, I got very angry and frustrated. Without thinking, as soon as my classmates let go of me, I knocked over two desks and chairs. I know that I exaggerated in my reaction and I would like to apologize for this. However, I also want to tell my classmates that they need to treat me with more respect and behave better, also because they need to understand that they could break my cochlear implant. Please remember that for me to hear better, I need to have a lot less confusion in the classroom.
Jordan Eric Del Dottore
To see your son put in a position of such complete and utter frustration is tormenting for a mother. The fact that Jordan threw desks to the ground brought back memories of his behavior in first grade, an extremely difficult and traumatic time. We have come such a long way since then, but the fact that he felt so frustrated that he needed to have such a violent reaction is so painful...for him and for me.
We have also grown a lot since first grade, both of us, so instead of yelling at him and feeling embarrassed that MY son would have done such a horrendous thing, I felt mortified FOR him that other children put him in a position to feel so badly that he had such a violent reaction.
So, I hugged him.
Then, we talked.
He told me how he felt helpless when they blocked him and knocked off his ci, and I validated his frustration. He still would not admit that his reaction was excessive. One hour later, he still would not admit his reaction was excessive, so I grabbed Sofia's plastic work desk and intentionally threw it across the room three times. Then, I asked Jordan how he felt about that. He responded, "Scared." I said, "And that's how the rest of the students in your class felt watching someone they love lose control."
Now, he gets it.
He wrote the letter- strange how writing can be such a cathartic experience, isn't it?
Tomorrow he will read the letter to his class, which will not be easy for him, but I know my son and he will do it...with charisma, because my son has a lot, a whole lot of heart.