Monday, November 2, 2009

Catch 22

Well, Halloween 2009 was a smashing success with Jordan bringing home "Mr. Halloween" for some wicked dance moves and Sofia Madyson racking in the candy after a Trick or Treat extravaganza in the center of Grosseto. I must say the Italians are improving and it was with great pleasure that we went from shop to shop hunting down candy. The only thing was that one shop gave unwrapped candy and I had to explain to Sofia that she couldn't have that and many shops hid the candy so that we weren't sure if they were giving it out or not. Never seen anything quite like it, but I'm not complaining, just making an observation.

The kidlings are growing and Jordan is becoming "Mr. I'd like to go out with my friends". Sofia, however is in kind of a difficult phase of "Mommy, come here!"

She's afraid of being alone...

If she's playing downstairs, she calls, "Mommy, I don't want to be alone, come down here!"

If she's upstairs, she calls, "Mommy, come upstairs, I don't want to be alone!"

The worst is when she has to go to the bathroom, "Mom--!" I draw the line there, the bathroom is alone time and must be taken care of...alone.

It's psychological dramas like these and how you handle them that scar our kids for life. How do you find the fine line between helping them to find their independence while reassuring them that they are not alone by being there when they need us?

It is fundamental that they can be alone without being afraid...fundamental because the more we grow up, the more we need to rely on ourselves, and we do often find ourselves alone at many different points in our lives.

It ain't easy.

But I am definitely taking advantage of the situation to snuggle her up.

Jordan-"I smell like a man" - "Leave me alone, I'm chatting" - "Hey Mamma, what do you think of the song I just downloaded" goes through moments of "Mamma, you're annoying" - "Mamma, can I have a hug?" And he doesn't realize that he's in a moment of growth.

Love watching my kids. Love it when Sofia gets angry and her eyes get all scrunchy. Love how Jordan tries to kiss up to me when he realizes he's exaggerated in trying to assert himself. But most of all, I really love how they realize when they've gone beyond their limits, limits that in some way or another Luca and I have been able to impose so that they know right from wrong.

And it is not always easy to keep track of right and wrong when there are emotions involved.

It's amazing how powerful kids are in imposing limits on adults...just like adults impose limits on kids.

L*O*V*E that.


Stephen said...

I'm for trusting your instincts and allowing your children to be "independent." You knew right from wrong and you were mature beyond your allowing you to be "Miss Independence" was easy! I was sooooo lucky with you and Niki - no problems! Just a boat-load of love and fun times growing up. I can't speak (or be accountable) for the years after you guys "left the nest!" (lol) LuvUdad

kim said...

"I smell like a man" lol You have just reminded me of one of the great advantages of being deaf. My kids could not call from another room. If they wanted company they had to come to me. The two man-boys are still living at home, so I'm wondering if they will ever develop a taste for independence. I'll let you know if it happens.

Debbie said...

It's so terrific that you have the insight to see these things as they are happening. Most people can't see the forest thru the trees and here you are living in the moment.