Nothin' Sweet About Me...Today

There is nothing worse than being in a pissy mood when you aren't pms or raggin' it, when everything in your life is starting to come together, when your kids are healthy, thriving, playing and learning. I can't exactly identify the source of my mood, I'm just feeling restless. I've been reading a book in Italian, maybe that's the source of my agony. My friend Rosy handed it off to me, told me to read it, that I might find it interesting.

What is interesting is that I've managed to find the time to read. God, I used to devour a book a day, reading by nightlight until I finished it, determined to get to that last page. Don't quite know how it happened, but suddenly, taking a shower became a luxury.

Since my little thirty-something crisis began, I've managed to calm down quite a bit and I'm finding a new road that needs traveling, one that I am determined to travel. So anyway, I'm reading this book by a guy named Fabio Volo (really funny parts...talks often about how and why men spend SO MUCH TIME IN THE BATHROOM - Note: I have removed all magazines from the bathrooms and I'm seriously considering adding a timer, as well. Things are really bad, because even Jordan at twelve has increased his potty time to about twenty minutes a movement)called "Un Posto Nel Mondo" - A Place in the World. I am still freaking trying to find mine. Anyway, one of the parts that smacked me upside the head was this:
Porta itineris dicitur longissima esse (latin): "The door is the longest part of the journey" meaning the first step is the most difficult to take. I've actually managed to get my hand on the doorknob, turn it and take a peek. So far, so good.

My world is a much better place when it's upside down...been lookin' at things right-side up for far too long.

Back to School...

Sofia Madyson started First Grade three days ago...

Getting ready to leave for the big day!

Do I really have to carry this HUGE backpack?

Almost ready to go into that big, scary school!

I'm in!...but I'm kinda skeptical 'bout this whole homework thing.

Got my best friend Federica right here next to me!

Just a kiss to Babbo...

And I'm ready to Rock-n-Roll!

Hmmm. Think Jordan's ready for his second year of Middle School?

Ummm.

...I think he'll do just fine *smile*

And...Once upon a time...a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago:

My first grade class! OMG.

Ethics and Deafness: Dianrez Weighs In

 

Dianrez asked some thought-provoking questions:

Take the child who was born deaf and admire how physically perfect he is. He runs, skips, analyzes, critically examines, laughs and cries. What, you say he is not perfect? Because he can't hear?

Me: Why shouldn't he ALSO be able to hear?

Take your own motives. You want to give him what you already have and hold precious...the ability to hear and communicate. What, you think he won't be able to do so otherwise?

Me: Without his amplification he would not have been able to communicate with his peers...or hear.

Isn't a different method of "hearing" and communicating just as good? Why or why not? Be aware that your own prejudices are coloring your thoughts.

Me: There is no different literal meaning of "hearing" - you hear or you do not. Figuratively speaking, I could "go there," but I'm focusing on the literal. Additional methods of communicating are always welcome. I am not prejudice in regard to deafness, I treat my child as an individual and address his personality and needs.

Take the child's own motives. Will he appreciate the artificial hearing, an imperfect and incomplete method of communication, being surgically implanted with an unknown level of risk and unknown future of complications? Or will he appreciate being cherished as he is, healthy and Deaf, and given all the educational advantages that you would give him anyway using other methods?

Me: I cannot comment on a new mother's situation without knowing about her family or the specific child. Given where the technology is at this point in regard to the ABI, I would have to really be convinced to have that operation performed on my child. In regard to our experience with Jordan, he has always "heard artificially," has only complained when the batteries die and is utterly cherished for the person he is...healthy, Deaf, American, Italian, big brother, beach-volleyball player, stubborn adolescent middle school student.

Will he appreciate a possibly marginal relationship with the hearing world, always a little bit off in timing and comprehension in many situations, and/or will he also enjoy the rich and emotionally satisfying interaction with other Deaf people?

Me: He doesn't "appreciate" his relationship with the hearing world, because it is all he has ever known. We take many things for granted. He enjoys rich and satisfying interactions with other deaf individuals all of whom are amplified and speak. One day, I am sure he will learn sign language and explore the Deaf community, that is not our reality at the current time.

Will he end up a poster child for surgery, forever justifying and demonstrating its benefits; will he become a fully featured hearing person with no thought to the upkeep, maintenance and surgical replacements he will have to go through? Will he have time and energy left over to become a whole person in himself?

Me: He is already a "poster child" of his own free will, he doesn't need me to express his thoughts...he has a voice of his own. And people do not need me to translate his words any longer. We'll deal with the surgical replacements when the time comes, no one said this was an easy process. Is anyone ever really a whole person...I'm still searching for me - I think that's what makes life a continual growth process.

In giving him a gift with many qualifications, are you actually trying to impose an idealized version of the child you wanted, or a miniature version of yourself? Is it so hard to accept him for the way he was born, an intelligent Deaf child with huge unexplored potential?

Me: *smile* God forbid that I create a mini-me. If you limit his ability to hear and receive the greatest number of messages possible (many of which are received auditorily), you limit unexplored potential.

These questions may seem harsh, but consider that the teenager you will have may ask them. Certainly most Deaf people think these, especially after they are given aids or surgery by the people in their families.

Some parents will just dismiss this and merrily go on, confident that their research and calculations of the pitfalls and risks are correct...after all, what do deaf people know about the hearing world?

Me: Rhetorical question?

Indeed, what do you know about the deaf child himself? What do you know of his world after he grows up?

Me: I only know my deaf child and he's teaching me more and more on a day to day basis. I will always be a part of his world - I'm a meddling mamma.

Personally, I have found myself moderating my opinions on surgical treatment of deaf children with the increasingly vocal parent and implantee community coming to the forefront in recent months.

Me: This gives me great pleasure! *smile*

Then an article comes up that talks about brain surgery and I wonder again about the extent to which people will go to in order to achieve their ideal child.

Me: I agree 100% (It took me the whole comment to get here, but I agree)
However...a parent has the right to choose.

Ethics and Deafness -Carried Away by Technology

 

Hmm. Your child is born deaf and you are hearing. You try to learn sign and you realize that it feels unnatural. Your friend starts telling you about this amazing deaf child who can speak, sing, play the guitar, etc. thanks to this amazing operation and a device called the cochlear implant. You find out that your child is not a candidate for the cochlear implant because of inner ear malformations. You hear about an incredible new operation called an Auditory Brainstem Implant. This will allow your child to hear and eventually speak, despite the malformations. And what do ya know...they perform the surgery right here in Italy. Then, you read about this child:

After an operation to restore his hearing, Jorden Flowers is ready to learn to listen


JORDEN FLOWERS was born without auditory nerves and ear canals. An auditory brainstem implant surgery - a procedure not approved by the FDA for children his age - has allowed him to hear and speak. But now he must learn to use what he has gained.

By ASHLEY BELAND, The Times-Union


Determination and motivation are two words 5-year-old Jorden Flowers can't say.

And he's shown his family, friends and teachers at Clarke Jacksonville that their meanings don't lie in the sounds you speak.

Jorden, son of Olympic gold medalist Vonetta Flowers and Johnny Flowers, was born without auditory nerves and ear canals. His twin brother, Jaden, was born healthy, despite the pair being born at 30 weeks.

"We didn't even know [Jorden] was alive after the doctors came in," Johnny Flowers said. "They started talking about the complications with premature births. They painted a really dark picture of his future."

But the 2-pound, 9-ounce Jorden pulled through.

That was the first sign of the determination that has become synonymous with the youngster's character. Many other signs would follow, as Jorden became what doctors say is the first American child to undergo an auditory brainstem implant that allows him to hear.

The family began researching Jorden's condition and treatments for his disability. Vonetta Flowers said they immediately started to learn sign language so they could teach Jorden to communicate.

"His first sign was 'milk,'" Vonetta said. "It was funny because he'd do the sign in the middle of the night like he expected you to be watching."

While many babies were watching Teletubbies or Sesame Street, Jorden was watching tapes designed to teach babies to sign.

After a couple of years of research and referrals from other doctors, the Flowerses learned of an auditory brainstem implant that enables people without auditory nerves to hear. There was one catch: The surgery isn't approved by the Food and Drug Administration for children under 12.

The couple was undeterred and contacted Vittorio Colletti, an Italian doctor specializing in auditory brainstem implant surgeries. Colletti was the only doctor performing the surgeries on children as young as Jorden.

The surgery was costly, but Colletti waived his fees and Allianz insurance company donated more than $60,000, Johnny Flowers said. In December 2005, the family was at a Verona, Italy, hospital for Jorden's surgery.

"We spent Christmas in the hospital that year," Vonetta Flowers said. "We were very grateful because usually Christmas is about presents, and we saw Jorden's surgery as the greatest present of all."

Jorden's brain had to heal before the implant could be turned on. He heard his first sounds on Jan. 23, 2006.

While the implant allowed him to hear, it didn't teach him how to hear. That's when Clarke Jacksonville stepped in.

After a trial summer program with the school, the family moved to Jacksonville from Birmingham, Ala.

Clarke Jacksonville is one of only 53 schools in the country that focus not on sign language or lip reading but on teaching the deaf to listen, Allen said.

Since Jorden began classes in the fall, his family and teachers said, they have seen a dramatic improvement in his auditory capabilities.

"Before coming here Jorden didn't really talk, but there's been such a change," Vonetta Flowers said. "It's been very emotional, and we're constantly reassured of our decision to come here."

Jorden also has increased his vocabulary and become more engaged in the classroom, his teacher, Lynn Stoner, said. Stoner has 10 years of experience at Clarke Jacksonville, but she still marvels at the motivation she sees in Jorden.

"I think his determination, his motivation, his willingness to learn is amazing," Stoner said. "He just never gives up."

Most of the couple's friends and family say the trait runs in the family. Vonetta Flowers was the first African-American to win a gold medal in the Winter Olympics.

She used that same determination she sees in her son while training for bobsledding. Vonetta Flowers has retired from the sport to spend time with her children and family.

Despite the difficult journey from Jorden's birth to his start at Clarke Jacksonville, his parents don't regret their choices.

"[Jorden's] first language was sign language, so he could always sign 'I love you,'" Vonetta Flowers said. "... But hearing him say 'I love you' - those are the sweetest words a parent can hear, especially since I never thought I would hear them."

What would you do?


A parent has the right to choose.

 

The Man With the Bulging Eyes

I'm drained. Facebook has destroyed me. People in Grosseto think I'm a freakin' lunatic because I walk down the street and suddenly start laughing hysterically. Every single face is a funny story...with some type of drama mixed into it. I need a break.
Time
to
blog.

Theme: The People Who Come in and out of our Lives
Setting: Bar Stiacciole (Bars in Italy are coffee shops that serve liquor, pastries,cafe, cappuccino, ice-cream, cigarettes, newspapers, slot machines - this place is a hole in the wall---but it's got it all.)
Characters: Me, Sofia and "The Guy Who Gives Me the Eye"

Here's the scene. My daily routine involves having a cappuccino and a heart to heart with my friend Sonia every morning, during the summer however, the routine may vary, but the cappuccino is a Must. I think when you've been married for so long, there comes a point where you stop looking around at other people, actually you stop noticing things like...you're a woman.

However, when you go into your typical thirty-something crisis, wake up, exchange the holy sweats for a pair of really tight elasticized jeans and start strutting instead of schlepping, you begin to notice that you're getting "the eye"...again...for the first time in such a loooooooooooong time.

At first, you are shy, flattered, shocked. And you don't even give a shit that it's comin' from a seventy year old toothless man...ya just kind of revel in the fact that, yeah, you still got it goin' on.

Um. "The Guy Who Gave Me the Eye"
began this behavior about seven months ago, while I was smack in the middle of my crisis, had lost about twenty-five lbs and had that I'm waking up from my life as the mother of a Deaf Child...who the hell is Jodi phase thing happening to me.

The man was a sixty-five year old disgusting drunk who slurred when he spoke, was half bald and wore a ponytail. He had bulging eyes
...freaked the hell out of me. Every morning I went to the bar for a coffee, he would say, "Good Morning, Madam." (puke)and give me the once-over. I flinched every single time.

About a week ago, I was in a particularly good mood, actually it was the day Sofia decided to dress as a ballerina and we walked arm in arm to the Bar. Bulging eyeballs was there. Sofia and I sat outside as I drank my coffee and she played with her Barbie-doll (obviously clad in fuschia)
This is what went down:

TGWGMTE: Good morning, Madam. Are you from Santo Domingo?

Me: (WTF?)Um. No, I'm American.
Sofia: (speaking in English)Mommy, can I get a chocolate egg?
Me:(replying in English) No, Sofia, it's 9 in the morning.
TGWGMTE: Come on over here, Madam, I'd like to tell you a story.
Me:(Hm. perfect English) Ok
TGWGMTE: (pushing aside his jar of 1 euro coins won from the slot machine)I'm originally from Milan. My family was in textiles. I graduated from a college in Memphis where I studied cotton growing...the year was 1963. I arrived in Memphis the day after John F. Kennedy was assassinated and I witnessed an America in mourning. I lived in Memphis during a time when there were signs on shops saying "For Whites Only"

Me: (leaning closer to him) Hi, I'm Jodi, tell me more, please.
Sofia: (stops playing with her Barbies, walks over to our table and notices the jar of one euro coins. She eyes the coins and then she gives bulging eyes
the once-over.)
TGWGMTE: Hi, Jodi. It's nice to meet you. My name is Anthony. Sofia, you have beautiful curls, here, have one of these. (Hands a one euro coin to Sofia)
Sofia: Wow, Mamma,
I can take a hot shower at the beach! Um. Anthony, I have a brother, could he have one too?
Me: Sofia, say thank you very much.


Sofia walks into the bar to spend her euro...just like her Mamma.

Anthony: I remember driving my car just outside of town and finding a diner. I was dressed in a suit, you know how Italians dress...nothing like Americans! I walked up to the door, saw a sign that said, "For Colored People Only," didn't think twice and walked right in. Jaws dropped. They could tell I wasn't American, and I made a lot of friends right away.

A friend of mine and I decided to drive to Hollywood to visit a couple of friends of ours. We stopped in a stripclub and I met a colored lady. I asked her out on a date and she accepted. I'll never forget this. I got dressed in my suit and pulled up outside of a French restaurant, I had decided to take her to a very elegant French restaurant. As I walked to the door with my date, I read that the sign on the door said, "For Whites Only." I opened the door for my date and walked right in. All eyes following us, we sat ourselves at a table and I waited. Sure enough, the owner of the restaurant sprinted to our table, leaned over to me and whispered, "I'm sorry, sir, there are no colored people allowed in this restaurant."

As the rest of the people at that restaurant stared, I responded in perfect French, "I'm sorry, I don't speak English." Speechless, the owner walked away. Other people got up to leave; we remained and enjoyed a delightful meal.

Yes...that was an interesting time in American history. The Americans were so stupid.

Me: Yeah, we often are...pretty stupid....and then, suddenly, we get it.
Sofia: Mommmmmmmmmmmy! I have to go to the Batttttttttttttthroom!
Me: It was nice meeting you, Anthony. As you can see, we have to go...
Anthony:(raising my hand to his lips)
The pleasure, Madam, was all mine.

Taking Time Out...

to remember.

I Have Found Facebook...

At the blink of an eye, our lives become ALL about our kids:

Jordan's first kiss

God Help Me!

Paula, Julie, Lydia, Niki, Dad, etc. sent me invites to Facebook.com - even Amy Cohen Effron invited me, but I never clicked on that button...no time. After feeling like scum because I've been neglecting my friends, I finally clicked, surfed and freakin' screamed. Luca ran to the computer, saw my face, rolled his eyes and said, "See ya in another year!"
Oh
My
God

There is nothing like seeing the faces of people you haven't seen in about twenty years, I even found a long lost friend from Elementary School which would make it about thirty years. *feeling ancient*

Young Elementary School Me

Nikki, a friend from high school, called me *glamazon* *smile*
I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!

Junior Prom (I can't believe I'm showing this picture)

Once upon a time I lived in a sorority house at the University of MD College Park with thirty-five other girls, always an outfit to wear to go to the Vous. My first roommate was a blonde, crazy chick named Willner who wore electric blue mascara, Edwins, (and what the hell were those cowboy boots called?) smoked capris and was the first person I'd ever seen with acrylics. SHE was supercool, on the phone til late at night with what-the-hell-was-his-name, oh YEAH! Port, Jason Port- the Port-o-dog get yourself a hot dog outside the Vous guy. (couldn't stand him) Actually, if I recall correctly, he sent the police to the AEPhi house at 3 in the morning for harrassment, he was such an ass. I'm sure he has since become a model citizen.

Then, there was Karen Sher. The first day I met her she told me she loved my watch. I said "Thanks." She said, "It's a Movado." I said, "It's just got a dot on it." I never lived it down and she made fun of me because I was from Pikesville and not Long Island. I called her Shirley and she called me Muffless (that's another post-Vous, post-atomic wings, hang out in the kitchen drunk over Little Charlie's pizzas story). When she stole the stuffed animal that Luca had sent me from Italy and spread the vicious rumor that Luca did not exist,

He Exists

it was all-out war. As I was walking home from class, I noticed my stuffed animal hanging from the roof of the House.

THE House

I had to climb up on the roof to detach the rope from its neck.
So
Since Karen was famous for wearing Hanes grandma underpants, I confiscated them and taped them to the walls throughout the House.
Later that night, after showering, I returned to my room to find the three life-sized bronze statues of giraffes (the AEPhi mascot) in my bed and my room toilet-papered.
The next morning, Karen went to class with her car decorated in tampons and condoms.

Long lost Sistahs

Etc.

We found each other again...reunions can be so sweet.

OMG, Michael Schaeffer just told me to check out a posted Jr. High School...speechless!

"The Doctor" rotfl

God am I having fun!