Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Hot and Bothered:) (definitely not for kids)

This is just another one of those days that I am out of my mind...patience. Between Mark's comment (will be purchasing his books:)) on my blog last night and Mike McConnell's blog (go-tees are hot) that I read for my 7:30 wake up call, I have been ruminating all day. It didn't help that my friend left the vibrating ring in my mailbox this morning...but I'll get to that later. First of all, there is just nothing sexier than a man who can write and express himself...totally down with that, especially when he is liberal despite personal convictions. (Good thing I live oceans away:))
I think based on studies that I remember hearing on the radio last year, Italian (Think Catholic capital of the world) women have more sex, by far, than American women - obviously each case is a case in and of itself. However this statistic has remained in my head for some reason.
I wonder what the statistic could possibly be regarding the amount of sex a mom of a deaf child following the oral/a-v approach might be...those would have to be some llloooooooow numbers. I mean how turned on can a woman possibly be when she's thinking about how to bring that "s" sound on, while eager hubby is going for that thang. Women don't always approach sex physically, at least until we really realize what a great stress-relief it can be - we're more about the mental stimulation. So important to communicate this to the partner, but they don't always get it, because they are all about physical.
This was my sex life during the hearing aid years - once, twice a week, max. Get it over with so I can relax for the next six days. How effin sad and pathetic is that, but when you are fighting for the life of your child, with the child 24/7 and he's sleeping in your bed until he's 5 or six, what the hell can a woman do?
And then came the cochlear implant. After the initial shock of the operation wore off and I started to return to being a woman, I brought sexy back, hard. Now, life is satisfying, but it took a while to get here. The choices we make for our children, lives and families all have consequences in every aspect of who we are as women. We don't just breathe, we feel.
Now, about that vibrating ring. Highly recommended. A friend of ours is the owner of the cafe where I just got picked up again, this time by a sixty year old, so they are getting younger:)(fyi: dropped 25 pounds since last summer and I'm in the University mentality after having spent the past ten years in high school again - get the analogy- so I'm feeling good again after so many years of being so closed)anyway, the owner knows me so he decided to recommend a new product...the vibrating ring - just use your imagination - don't know you all well enough to go there. This ring has become the joke of Istia as I have recommended it to everyone, including Jordan's 58 year old very Catholic teacher. That was kind of because she insisted on knowing what we were talking about at a class function and it would have been really rude not to tell her...well, she asked for it. And...Italian women ARE famous for having a lot of sex. New Year's Eve was hysterical because my friend's husband made the announcement that he BUSTED the ring...he is now quite famous around town.

Okay, there is a point to all of this, although I am dragging it out...Italian television, magazines, billboards etc. all portray an image of a supersexy, chesty, pouting woman. What's a mother to do, to combat this image of a woman? It's impossible, so when we drive by these billboards and my eleven year old son who is finding his hormones says, "Hey Ma,Oh what beautiful boobs!" What the hell do I say? I explain that it is not proper to say such things in respect to women. It is offensive. Then, right after dinner a very popular television show - and no wonder it's so popular- comes on and the first thing they say is, "Ecco le VELINE!" (pictured above) Two super-stacked, beautiful, young, long-legged hotties dressed in hoochy-cutters and classy bras - this right after dinner. I must admit, their dancing skills are exceptional - PUKE! Now when your husband sees all of this on a satisfied full stomach (rare in my house because I am the WORST cook) where do you think his mind is going, despite the fact that his comment is, "Oh please, I could be their father!" (con cazzo - you'll just have to translate that yourselves)
And my hormonal son, "Oh, look at them!"
Gotta watch out for kids nowadays, because just when you think they are sound asleep, they give you a serious wake up call. Jordan and I had a conversation last year before he went to sleep and I asked, "Jordan, what do you dream about when you dream?" His response, "Zio Papperone, Ilaria e le poccie!" Translation: Uncle Scrooge - the billionaire from the Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck comics, Ilaria - the girl he was in love with for 5 years of Elementary School, and Boobs."
My sweet, sensitive deaf child ain't so asleep.


Anonymous said...

Enjoyed reading your article this morning. So, Mike and the vibrating ring has some connection? lol I envy you for living in Italy, that must be awesome. My paternal grandparents immigrated from the area near Naples as a teen. I must admit I started reading your blog because of the italian connection. :)
Yet, I'm learning more things about your son and CI, which is good. Oh, by the way, Mike sounds liberal but he's republican, ya know. :)

Anonymous said...

Have you seen Paotie's blog?

Oh my, he's nifty!

here it is: http://www.paotie.com

Paotie! Pleazzze come back!

White Ghost

Divided said...

Jodi...you make me laugh with your comments and life in general. Although there are serious thoughts and feelings being put out there..you've managed to look at the brighter side and you know, it's not all bad. You've got some good bloggers connected to you..they have a good head on their shoulder and make a lot of sense (Mike, Drolz...) and there are others that are not so nice (it's the same in the hearing world!!). I hope that other mom's out there won't just quit and shut us off because there is much to learn from each other. Although painful to know your child will always be different and cannot be 100% like you it is important to keep an open mind and listen to why others feel the way they do. You've all been brought up in a "perfect world" functioning with sounds and take things for granted before you had your deaf child. We function differently and you think we may be missing something when in actuality we are not feeling that way. Everytime I go to your blog I hear something (I'm not wearing my hearing aid when this happens) and run around my house thinking it's the phone or someone is at the door when it is music coming out of your blog. Then I laugh....funny!! It's the story of my life...there are things I can hear and things I cannot identify, then a friend said why don't you put your hearing aid on so you don't miss anything. I tell her that I like my silent world and don't care if I'm missing something. I can hear when I want and not hear when I don't want to. I speak and hear quite well (my hearing loss is at 30 db with my hearing aid and 55 db without in both ears and wear 1 hearing aid). My family are all deaf and ASL was my first language...I didn't learn to talk until I was 3 years old. Hated my speech lessons because I felt it was a waste of time (I could be learning another subject in school but had to go to speech class). I don't go to hearing parties often because it's never fun. I mingle and smile and have few meaningless conversations with some here and there. It's more fun at deaf parties because I can have an in depth conversation with others. My husband is hard of hearing too but does not hear as well as I do. We sign to each other and there are times we talk or do both simultaneously. I have 2 hearing children and 3 hearing great grandkids. My children sign well and we talk and sign to each other. 1 grandson can sign and he is 16 years old (that's because his mother, my daughter, works as itenerant teacher for deaf/h of h kids in mainstream school and is a part-time sign language interpreter). The other 2 grandkids (10 and 12) don't sign at all...they live far and we don't see them often. I love Italians because they speak with their hands, bodly language...I worked with deaf Italians in my previous job so I know there's a vibrant deaf community in Italy. You ought to get in touch with people I mentioned to you previously. Did you know that the general manager of Hassler Hotel in Rome is deaf...he is Roberto Wirth and he has supported deaf programs at the Mason Perkins Deafness Fund. He's also in between 2 worlds (his wife and twins are hearing). You ought to meet him.
I do like the music you put on your site along with words...you've replaced my children who I used to depend on to tell me what the words were when I heard my favorite songs. You are savy!! and quite the sexy lady too...smile!

Karen Putz said...

So, when my husband comes home today and asks me what I did today... I get to tell him that I learned about new toys from a Mom in Italy. LOL

Unknown said...

*wink* Jodi lol

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing all of that information about your family, you have an amazing group! I always appreciate your thoughtful comments and generous words. I tried calling today about a course in LIS that Jordan brought home, but no one answered...I'll try again tomorrow. Hope it can work with my insane schedule...big hug, Jodi

Kim said...

OMG-- I died laughing at this one. :-) The ring-- how does it work??

I have two sons. They go through a boob phase, which begins around age 11. I don't think it ever ends. . . that phase? What's so funny is how open they are about it.

One of my sons had a hard time concentrating on science one year because of his teachers melons.

Yes-- believe me-- I think all moms have a hard time concentrating on sex when kids are small. If you weren't worried about bringing on S sounds, it would be something else. I've been there.

Then when they're teenagers you have to sneak around in your own house-- which adds a bit more excitment to it. :-)

Divided said...

Thought about you while getting my hair cut today...I was smiling about your comments and my hairdresser wondered what I was smiling about. he he You might want to have your husband take Jordan for a ride and talk with him about what is appropriate and not as my husband did (took our son to a truck stop, of all places!!)
Ahhhh, you know those Italians...they take their good time and after a few espresso breaks and time to process their thoughts, they'll get back to you, eventually. ;)

Anonymous said...

Hot, damn, girl! You are UNREAL! Does your hubby read English? ;-)

Got my hair cut and colored today and feeling mighty fine myself! LOL

Mark Mason said...

I'd comment on your post, but I've got to run to the "ring store" before they close...


Unknown said...

OMG...the four comment I found on the early morning wake up had me rofl. You guys kill me!! Paula, did you really say, "Hot damn!!??" You are all that with your hair done, aren't ya! Divided, I walk around laughing to myself and at myself all day, loved that comment. Mark, your woman will thank me...and Kim: the ring is made of condom material, but in ring form. The man wears the ring, the woman slides it on and positions the little vibrating button so that it hits her in just the right spot. (this also depends on the position:))Press the button and go...hahahahaha, I think I've totally lost it! I'm off to the pre-school to start hokey pokeying...Jodi

VBnBama said...

Jodi, you made Paula say "hot damn!"...I'm gonna have to get my hair done. Something happens to y'all when you get your hair done! I'll make an appt. for next week.

VBnBama said...

and P.S. that picture! if that's what you look like when you come back from the salon, I'll go today!!

Unknown said...