Friday, February 22, 2008

Great Expectations?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm undergoing a period of mental explosion, which I'm not so sure is productive, but it sure as hell stimulates my blogging. I just got back from my first Friday Happy Hour in about 13 years. Do you think that is normal for a full blooded American girl? I went out with my friend Rosy, who is like my clone and the translator of RALLY CAPS. We had a reeeeaaaallly long and quality talk over a couple of proseccos and a lot of grub, good, healthy grub - nothing like nachos with salsa, but good all the same. I am CRAVING Chili's nachos - Mac left a comment on Paotie's blog about Chili's, I almost cried and died. Why were the men given the balls, when it is so obvious that it's the women that wear the pants in this world? Do I sound cynical? - because I am so not, just making an astute observation.

A couple of blogs ago, an anonymous commenter wrote:

Who says this world is owned by white people?

Who says this world is owned by men?

who says this world is owned by straight people?

Who says this world is owned by hearing people?

"One of the most promising of the young Negro poets said to me once, “I want to be a poet--not a Negro poet,” meaning, I believe, “I want to write like a white poet”; meaning subconsciously, “I would like to be a white poet”; meaning behind that, “I would like to be white.” And I was sorry the young man said that, for no great poet has ever been afraid of being himself. And I doubted then that, with his desire to run away spiritually from his race, this boy would ever be a great poet. But this is the mountain standing in the way of any true Negro art in America--this urge within the race toward whiteness, the desire to pour racial individuality into the mold of American standardization, and to be as little Negro and as much American as possible."


My Response:
The world moves forward thanks to the souls of the women who give birth to future generations.

And I'm taking race, religion and sexual preference out of the equation. It's all about the ladies.

If there is one thing I have learned in this lifetime, it is never to have great expectations of people, that way I can never be disappointed or deluded. When I make a decision, I do so conscious of the fact that I am 100% responsible. I can, therefore only delude myself. Each person is responsible or should be for his/her delusions. So many people have been deluded by love, but if it is true love, unconditional love, then there are no expectations of the person loved.

Jordan was born deaf. What were my great expectations of him before knowing he was deaf? Exactly the same as they are now, that he be a person capable of love, empathy, sensitivity and confidence to go after what he wants in life...I want him to be happy- happiness is so hard to achieve. My friend's friend, I swear, goes around asking every person he sees the same question, "Are you happy?" I can assure all of you reading that about 2% of the world's population in this moment are happy. I consider myself one of the 2% because I rely on myself and not others. I have no GREAT EXPECTATIONS of others, so I am always pleasantly surprised when people perform an act of kindness, generosity or plain old just do their job.

When people expect things from others, they are ALWAYS deluded and then resentment sets in, blocking the heart and productivity. What's the point? Are you pissed off because your friend didn't call on your birthday? Are you hurt because your mom gave your sibling something she didn't give you? Do you resent the fact that a friend didn't invite your child to a party? Does it frustrate you that you show up for work - a class of twenty-five freaking lunatic kids - and the lights are out so you can't use the stereo and have to perform "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly" ACCAPPELLO?? (Ok, that really sucked!) You know what? I hate to be cliche, but sometimes life requires that we rolllllllllll with the punches. I will never be one to say, "Life sucks!" because life is too beautiful despite suffering, hardships, delusions and sadness to EVER say such a thing...because the truly evolved human beings know how to find the beauty in every single tragedy that touches their lives.

There is a woman on the Listen-Up support group, (BTW!!!!!!!! The candy conversation Valentine's Day hearts AND candy bracelets- love those- just arrived - I AM SO EXCITED!!!!THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!)who is going through a very difficult time right now and she ALWAYS manages to find the beauty in her experience and illness, she INSPIRES me. My friend Rosy is on the winning side of the same battle as is my Aunt Janice, who after three long suffering years of fighting and combatting like the SO STRONG woman she is, finally got the results of a CAT scan that were the much longed for bill of health. These are people who have FAITH and not great expectations.

My deaf son speaks, plays the guitar, cried after seeing Spiderman III, turns white when Sofia hurts herself, can entertain himself for hours with his imaginary War battles, calls his friends by phone to get the homework and hands the phone to me when he can't understand the page numbers, he is a giver and not a taker...he will suffer, but he will love.

Great Expectations are so, so overrated, it is when you NEVER have expectations that you receive the greatest gifts in life.


Anne Morrison said...

I know exactly what you mean by the whole "great expectations". I used to be exactly like that, and I still am in a sense, but instead of me putting faith in myself, because even I fail myself sometimes, I put it in God. God will never fail me and he never has so far. if he denied me something, it was for my own good. and I was thanking him after I realized it. I know it might sound cheezy, but it's true. I know for a fact that humans WILL let me down. it's not a matter of if, but when. that even includes myself.

but Jesus has never failed me. He always prevails in the weirdest situations.

but anyways, I enjoyed your blog, you write beautifully!

Unknown said...

Dear Straightedgeanne,
Thank you for your beautiful comment...and I really appreciate that you understood what I was trying to say. There are so many people who have lost faith or entrusted it in the wrong places, I'm happy that you are so in touch with your faith. Hugs, Jodi

Anonymous said...

Hey Jodi,

Deeeeeep stuff! Loved it.

Your comments made me think of my very best friends. They have this blessed ability to live in the here and now. We might not see each other for years but when we do get together, we hang out and shoot the breeze in such a way its as if we never parted.

On the other hand, there are those who are into you never call, you never write, yada yada yada. I simply tell them that I'm a dad now. One time I left a tuna sandwich in my son's cubby at daycare and brought a bag of extra diapers to work. So if anyone has great expectations for me... they can chill out and have a tuna sandwich :)

Excellent post, am enjoying your mind explosion!

Best regards,

Valerie said...

Let me see, I had to read this post twice....I want to be Valerie. Just Valerie...Not deaf, short, teacher, contact-wearing, lupus, but just Valerie. I know that does not make me any less important then Deaf Valerie.

I also understand your thoughts about great expectations. I had no expectations before CI surgery. I just hoped to hear something. And yes, I was very surprised. I do draw from my faith. I hold that close to my heart.

My mom has been battling breat cancer for 4 years. So two surgeries and chemo, her expectations are - to just enjoy the day. Cancer has not made her fight hard, just the same. The same way she raises her girls, don't take any crap from anyone and don't give up. When you give up you give yourself permission to fail. We don't fail, we are women! We may struggle and somedays we want to just lie down. That is okay because we don't say down too long.

My mom is in remission, she's too tough to let cancer get the best of her. If it comes back, she will keep attacking it back.

Unknown said...

You know, guys are like that, it's difficult to find girl-friends who don't need the daily contact to maintain the friendship.
Your tuna episode was a much needed wake up laugh this morning...
I love how you write! And your kids are beautiful...Jodi

Unknown said... I know where you get your fighting spirit and dedication from...your mom., Jodi

VBnBama said...

Valerie, I'd love to be Val also. I haven't been Val in years, I've Gage and Brook's mom. But you know what,I'm realizing that the only way to be Val again is to speak a little louder (and not literally). I got a part time job and there I'm Val. I'm just learning to have some seperation. My kids have always been "the deaf kids" in school. But that's okay w/me because they are in fact that. It's just a characteristic, like blond hair, or tall and skinny. It's something people use for quick identity since there are no other deaf children. And when they get older, they'll be Gage, the deaf boy that's hilarious or Brook the cute little blue eyed girl w/implants (make that cochlear implants!). Now for setting expectations. I've found that w/raising two deaf children, I left the expectations at the front door and up to the professionals who want to compare the kids to their hearing peers. I can't do that and have never felt it was fair. If I had set all these expectations when Gage was born, he'd have never progressed as much as he has. I work w/my kids regularly building on what THEY know. I don't care if Billy in class can read a novel, means nothing to me. I keep my kids mentally stimulated at their own rate and setting too many expectations early on would have only been BOUNDARIES for us.