Jingle Balls

1. Today I got reamed out by a family member.

1a. I unleashed my own tongue.

2. I sent a text message to the wrong person (something like this, but more red-light district): "He really likes you"- it was meant for my girlfriend and I sent it to my guyfriend.

2a. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time.

3. I received three emails that made my day.

3a. I hope that I made at least one person's day.

4. My kids are home for the holidays.

4a. It's 11,17 pm. here- Jordan's chatting on the computer and Sofia's playing Nintendo DS- I can't make them go to bed, they are so damn cute laying in my bed without having to stress about school, dreaming of Santa Claus and freedom.

5. I have this one friend from college who made my life hell in the most hilarious way possible. She left me a comment on fb, and I started laughing out loud.

5a. Sofia asked me about her and I explained that I hung her grandma underpants on the walls of the AEPhi house. Sofia smiled.

6. Sofia asked me if I would be working on the computer on Sunday. I said yes. She said, "I'll never get to use it."

6a. While helping Sofia take off her four shirts, because she decided she needed to be her own fashion consultant after school, she threw a hissy fit. I had to use my "Don't mess with your mamma" voice and I said, "Sofia, you are such a lunatic!" She replied, "Mommy, you are a spoiled brat. I'm gonna kick your ass."

6b. Ok. I may call my child a spoiled brat, but I have NEVER told her I'm going to kick her ass. I cannot figure out where she heard that, probably my mom.

7. I'm going to Christmas lunch with Luca's family, because:

7a. Sofia's teachers told me they would never have known we were going through a separation, she's extremely normal, happy and hard-working. (I'm not convinced, but there's only one Sofia and she's in a class of 13, so it must be her they're talking about)

7b. Jordan brought home an interim report that for the first time shows dramatic improvement in every subject (except English *smile*) because Luca's been working really, really hard with him.

7c. A comment was made that my kids wouldn't care if I were there or not, because they were only interested in the Christmas presents anyway.

Luca and I did not raise our kids to be only interested in presents, and I certainly did not decide to celebrate Christmas with his family despite the fact that I am Jewish every single year I've lived in this country for the presents. And I will not be sending my kids who are in the middle of a fairly mature separation to Christmas lunch without their mother.

Families come in many shapes and sizes. I don't love a family for thirteen years and suddenly stop. And my kids don't go to Christmas lunch for thirteen years with their mother, father and everyone they love surrounding them to suddenly look up and find their mother missing at the table. Not on my shift.

8. Twelve years ago, at my most desperate moment in finding out about Jordan's Deafness in Italian, when I was searching for a lifeline in English...I found the John Tracy Clinic. They helped me by email through Jordan's temper tantrums. I began attempting to write during that period, for the first time in my life. I sent something I wrote to Judy Blume. By miracle, she wrote me back and said, "Your writing reflects that you obviously know children. Concentrate on that and keep working on it." She sent me light during my darkest hour.

8a. My hope is that the past three years have taught me something about what it means to be a woman...not just any kind of woman- a Mother-Woman.

First, I struggled within my own head to figure it all out. Then, I reflected...deeply. Now, I know exactly who I am-

an American flag swimming naked in a sea of Nutella.