Placing your child in the hands of other people and having to trust these people with your child is the most difficult thing for a mother. When life requires that you ask for the help and support of persons outside of the family, you suddenly find yourself in an extremely vulnerable position. Finding professionals willing to offer all of their efforts and competencies, who moreover, demonstrate the ability to love your child in such a way as to contribute to his growth is...very rare.
This is the dedication in the Italian version of RALLY CAPS to all of the medical professionals and teachers who have helped us throughout our journey.
In all of the everyday shit you hear in the News about how Medicine has gone bad, malpractice this and I'm sueing that, we are a POSITIVE example of how the Italian National Healthcare System can be successful when all contributing aspects work together to provide a network of support for the family. How ironic that most people tend to complain when things go wrong and RARELY recognize when things go right. Our message is too important for too many people to stop now.
An anonymous mom sent me this in an email message:
I disagree completely with the don't blog, don't CI Circle comments. True this stuff can be all encompassing, but dearest Jodi, it is part of the journey. Going through this journey is what has given you that strength and self-belief and giving to others, helping others is part of what gives you your strength and belief in yourself right now. It is a big part of what makes you happy, I know that because that is me too! It is a part of our makeup, making a difference no matter how small, in the lives of others, is part of what drives us, part of what gives us satisfaction in ourselves and the people we are.
Thank you so much to everyone who left comments...every single comment touched me. It's incredible how help comes to you when you least expect it from people you only know virtually. This whole blogging thing is so powerful for me, I only hope that our story can provide a reference point for others who are at different points in the journey.
In regard to the personal, really personal stuff, I'm done sharing.
In regard to the rest...I'm only just getting started.
12 comments:
I never said stop blogging, stop being involved in CI Circle. I just said take a break and see where it leads you. You may find it's an essential part of what defines you and feeds you, or you might find that it's taken your soul. (But hopefully it will lead you to balance and solutions.) You won't know until you try.
- a ci circle mom
Dear CI Circle Mom,
I don't want to stop being involved in the CI CIRCLE, it helps me to be a better mother and THAT is the most important thing after all, isn't it? Every day I learn something new to help my son through some phase of his life. Hugs, Jodi
It does not help me be a better mother. It sucks me in and saps my energy. It takes me away from my family both mentally and physically (because my eyes are glued to the screen and my brain sucked into the ether somewhere.) I think I come back because it makes me feel useful if I give someone helpful advice, but that is sort-of pathetic. I have been a member for many years, yet the times I have stepped away have been so refreshing, and often I don't even want to go back unless I have a question myself, and then I get sucked back in. I wish I could reclaim some of the lost hours sometimes.
I could never blog because I would constantly be checking what comments people have made and let them either bolster or deflate me. I am worried we have less face-to-face in our lives. I look at my own family and we are so much more connected than we were even 5 years ago, yet back then we were probably more connected to the internet than most people.
Then there is my rear end that gets squashed and flattened as I sit in my chair. Better to go out and garden or run on the treadmill and listen to a radio show or something.... Is this ironic or what?
-ACCM
I agree about not giving up blogging. Maybe I'm being selfish here but I think you've given up enough. I think moving to another country(and staying!) is a HUGE sacrifice...and I doubt you're constantly on the computer. I think you teach others as well as learn so to be asked to give up anything else,especially what you love to do, would add salt to the wound. I can see cicircle mom's point of view if you were taking family time to blog. However, answering a few questions a day isn't the root of your problem. From experience, what I find draining after teaching deaf children how to hear and listen...is teaching a grown man w/perfectly good hearing how to. (Sorry no offense Luca) You rock on Jodi! We all have issues and problems, we find strength and support where ever we can.
As another CI circle mom, I can relate somewhat to anonymous's comments. But it took me awhile (years!) to realize that at times I needed to take a break from CI circle. And, Jodi will only need a break when she decides that she needs one! It can only be her who needs and decides it, and also if she needs a break from blogging. When she doesn't feel energized or has other projects, then it will be up to her! Life events and other things might happen which require her to take a step back, but for some people they can budget their time and avoid excess computer time... it's probably an individual thing, IMO.
Val, nobody really knows about me and jodi except for what jodi write.. that is her point of view. I've never told Jodi what to do or not, she has always had plenty of freedom in everything she has done. She hasn't lived in hell for the past 12 years, I've a lot of good memories with her. I've done my mistakes but I've always worked hard for her and for my kids that I adore, and I've always helped her. I think I'm a very good Husband that has adored his wife (and still does). I don't know what you've got from what she wrote about our situation or about me but I can assure you that The fact that Jordan was deaf has affected me and has been very hard for me too. Right now do you think that Jordan doesn't need attention or that he doesn't have problems at school? Jodi is very very busy and working hard and so I'm taking care of our kids because this is how family works, and I don't complain about it even if sometimes it is very hard to do it specially going thru a crisis with your wife..
Luca
Shortly before rolling down a hill, killing a squirrel and voting for Hillary Clinton, an old Chinse man once told me:
"Shite happens."
:o)
Paotie
Luca,I was actually referring to my own situation as being drained from having to teach my own how to listen. I just knew you wouldn't really like that comment and I'm sorry but it's true. You sound like such a sweet man (a lot like my husband)who no doubt loves his wife. I didn't mean to sound as though you were the one who asked her to stop blogging or cicircle...I myself had to put my cicircle on digest because I was overwhelmed w/the emails so I totally relate to everyone on that. I just doubt that would solve the problem. And I really have to say, it's quite reassuring to know that you are reading what she writes, and showing interest. My husband only reads my blog if I tell him to. Our situation actually has turned out well because instead me assuming things, I've learned I have to directly speak my mind because he can't read it.
Actually your response to me is fabulous! It sure would have helped us at times if my husband would have spoke up and told me how tough it was on him, but he was silent and so was I.
Having kids in general can be quite draining but if there are special needs involved, it can take you emotionally to places you didn't know existed. Sometimes we just get tired. Sometimes we don't say we're tired until we're exhaused. I say rock on Jodi only in support of her trying to keep her chin up thru a difficult time. And you both should realize this only temporary, you'll get thru it. Together or seperately you'll get thru it and move on. Good luck Luca, you rock on too! And your advice on communicating earlier was spot on. It would be so much easier if we could just read each other's minds but we can't.
Val,
I liked your comment, I wasn't upset at all. I just wanted to clarify my position... I like seeing Jodi so in love with blog, ci circle, and books because she is very happy doing it and I'm happy that there are a lot of people that loves her.. now I have to stop commenting because I've goone too far. it is Jodi's blog and she will beat me up for taking over.. I'll be monitor it in silent as usual.
Luca
Sorry Jodi, I know you're done and are trying to move on to other subjects...so has the print came out yet for this Italian version or are they still printing. Let us know when they start handing them out to the hospital. I think it's so cool that they are doing this. I'll bet those kids you teach in Italy can't wait to read your book.
A comment about our relationship with the medical profession...
Even though my comment seems is out-of place below all the other comments, I wanted to share this poem my wife wrote - and gave to the surgeon, prior to Lotte's operation
Take this child
Give her wings
to hear
the sound of my smile
Give her wings
to hear
the radiance of my eyes
Never the same again
after today
Blessed
with an exceptional gift
To hear light
To see sound
gives wings to the soul
I'm happy you got the point of this post. Your wife's poem is beautiful, and I can imagine the surgeon was very touched. Thank you so much for posting it here...Jodi
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