Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I posted a Note on Facebook called "Be Honest" that another mom tagged me in...and my friend left a comment ((((((JODI)))))), so I was like, "God, what did I write!!!??? So, I went back and read it again and got all teary-eyed. Unbeknownst to me, I was raw. I am like a living open wound..which got me to thinking.
I found out Jordan was deaf and put up a wall. Actually there was kind of a built in protective wall because everyone around me spoke Italian and I didn't know a lick of it. Not being able to speak to the people around me about my child isolated us from the rest of the world and let me deal with my emotions alone as those around me dealt with theirs. Every now and then, the playground scene with the little kid pointing at Jordan's hearing aids immediately followed by the mom saying, "Shhhhh!, Don't say anything.." would poke a hole in my finely constructed igloo.
I'm not like that now..I'm kind of barriers down, smash me if you want. But that's okay. I feel a lot more and live a lot more honestly with myself and my kids. Everyone handles things differently at different points in their lives. We all get colds, but there's the person who stays home from work, the person who over-medicates, and the person who works overtime.
Sofia steals my lipgloss and jewelry all the time, so that I can NEVER find ANYTHING I need. Today, I went downstairs to do homework with her and in her hand was the coolest shade of lipstick I've ever seen. She gave it to me and we applied. It was like receiving an unexpected gift in the mail- same emotion. No idea where it came from, it wasn't mine-I only do lipgloss...
After homework, she ran across the street- after looking both ways *smile* to see if her friend could play. She couldn't, so Sofia ran back home...*after looking both ways* and sat down next to me. There happened to be a blue piece of chalk on the sidewalk next to us- one that my dog from hell didn't eat- so she smashed it up and started rubbing it into the cement so that both of her hands were blue. She then proceeded to rub me. SOFIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! "Mommy, I want to play 'blue hands'"!
*Give me strength*
We have been taught since youth to always look both ways. I have spent so much energy looking both ways before crossing that street that I almost missed what was right in front of me.