Tuesday, September 15, 2009
"Each choice is only an appearance of such. Each relationship has already been pre-determined. Each event occurs in the way and for the purpose for which it was planned...this is destiny!" - An eighteen year old future medical school student.
So what about all of the suffering in between?
*Enriching material used to help us grow so that we may make it through the next phase of desperation*
Today, a woman, who would like to call herself my friend said to me, "You are thirty-eight years old with two children, one of which has a disability...who's gonna want you?" Ouch.
Hmm. What if I don't want to be wanted and I'm happy being the Independent mother of two children full of abilities and life? What if there are more important things at certain times of your life than relationships with men?
A year ago, I was driving down the street in my own lane, when a man driving a motor-scooter took a curve on the wide side and slammed into the side of my car. I was impotent...couldn't do anything- just watched as he hit me. Sometimes, in life we have limited choices whether on the road or in a relationship, but as long as I have the power to choose...
- To read my book on the train. So surreal the situation I saw earlier today: The train stopped and a grandma with a really bad dark dye job got on, slammed down the window and began waving to her grandkids who were waving back. The thing was, I couldn't see the grandkids, but I knew it was grandkids she was waving to by the intensity of her wave, the smile on her face and the excited, yet sad look in her eyes- as if she were trying to mix up the sweet with the bitterness of saying goodbye. That woman kept pounding that wave until her hand worked no longer. Then, she sat down. Her grandkids will always have the memory of saying goodbye to their grandmother as she heads off by train, and I will have a memory of their memory- like watching a film only it's live by train.
- To combat surrealism by buying a pair of new boots to keep me grounded *smile*
- To write to share what I'm living so that it will help the next.
- To call myself Independent instead of Single, because Single sounds like a hit record and not a woman who lives...which brings me to the last of the list:
...and to give it up to destiny.