I'm not the same person I was in high school, college or when I married Luca. I'm not the same mom I was to Jordan and Sofia seven years ago. I saw a video of me with the kids that my friend Cristina took when Sofia was in dancing class four years ago. I don't even recognize me.
I know where I come from, where I am and I'm getting an idea of where I'm going.
When I look back on raising Jordan, Luca and I were alone aside from family support..totally alone. In the past three years, I have never been alone, this blog has introduced me to a world of moms just like me.
Three nights ago I was sitting next to a neurophysicist who is responsible for some sort of research on neurons that still hasn't been applied- the man studies neurons..didn't understand a word he said. Such a nice man, so boring, but very nice-he wanted to sit next to me at the dinner, but I ducked out and hit the bathroom. I spent the dinner with my friend and boss, Ferdi and a mom and daughter from New Zealand. They spent the night talking about the adventures her crazy mom had with her daughter's father. Apparently they travelled the world and hitched a ride on a boat to some exotic place I can't even remember and decided to buy two horses to climb some mountain when suddenly the mom got pregnant, so they traded in the horses for two motorcycles and travelled some more. My kind of woman.
Some people sit home and watch television as their lives pass them by.
Some people work all day and never see their kids.
Some people wait in line.
Today I dropped Sofia the second grader at school and picked her up as a third grader. Jordan came home a high school student. Tonight I watched my little girl sing in her school choir in a place in the countryside and dined on homemade mom stuff- I paid 15 euros for pizza instead of cooking.
Sometimes my worlds collide and sometimes I live each one separately. I spent four days speaking English to people from all over the world, and the past two hours speaking Italian to Tuscans.
In between I sent Jordan straight to the shower and polished Sofia's nails blue with glitter hearts.
After the gala dinner, I made Ferdi take me to Switzerland, never been to Switzerland and it is literally five minutes from Como. The first border control area was closed- can you imagine- no, Jodi, you may not enter Switzerland...but the second was open- so we drove right through. We sat and had a cup of tea with some good Swiss chocolate cookies.
Two years ago I sent him an email that changed my life. I requested to tell our story at the NHS 2008 and he said yes. From there I met Karl White and the GPOD women who have always been by my side encouraging me and giving me resources in my most difficult moments, as has Ferdi.
In everything I do, I bring my kids. I went through a transition period where I lost my head and kind of forgot how much it meant to me to be a mom. I like that Jordan smells and I have to scream at him to realize he's growing, that I have to encourage him to use his voice and yell at Sofia to stop watering the dog.
Somehow and in some way...it all works.
And I'm taking all of it with me...to Baltimore.
One more month and we're going to Baltimore, it's time to recharge.