Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Thong Sermon

Yesterday I met with the Mom of a five year old deaf child. She was in crisis and her eyes were dead. After her son's diagnosis she continued working eight hour days, while her husband and mother-in-law watched her son. She had her baby when she was 25 years old.

Five years later she took a week off of work and spent time with her son. She told me, with tears in her eyes, that she saw him introverted, suffering and desperately in need of his Mommy. She told me that she had decided to request working half a day, but was terrified they would deny her request.

So, I'm sitting there staring at this mother who I am not lying put Nicole Kidman to shame, assertive character, obviously extremely competent in her job. But 100% insecure. And she suddenly realized that she wanted to be a mom.

I told her she could be a mother if she wanted to be a mother, and that if she wanted to work part time, she could do that too. I told her to work on her delivery if she was sure that was what she wanted to do.

Her marriage is in crisis. She comes home stressed, angry and exhausted. I told her she needed to decide what was best for her, because THAT is what will help her child the most. She could commit herself to work and be happy in her job, come home a happy mother and spend one entire hour of happiness with her child. When you are fulfilled, your child is serene. Or, she could decide to dedicate her afternoons to her child and set her job straight.

We constantly underestimate ourselves in moments of transition. The insecurities prevail. I tried to listen and to help.

Then we talked sex. I said I wish that someone would have told me how to manage to be a woman and a mother...but something always gets lost if we consciously do not concentrate on the job of being a woman. It's very difficult to make it all work. It's difficult to give up your job to dedicate yourself to the needs of your child. It's difficult to jump on your husband every night when you have desperation in your head.

I decided to challenge the statistics as I looked in the mirror-mom.

I gave her the "thong sermon" and told her to immediately call her mother-in-law to watch her kid so she and her husband could go out alone. Five minutes later her eyes were bright and she was on her way to the Italian Victoria's Secret.

My fingers are crossed that it works out for them...beautiful couple, beautiful son.


Julia said...

You do choose eye-catching titles, don't you? I totally agree that you've got to start in the center and move out. If you keep yourself healthy and fulfilled, and (moving outward) give your marriage the time and attention it deserves, then the bounty spreads outward to the kids. At least in theory -- in practice, parenthood is largely an exercise in self-sacrifice. But as my father says, moderation in all things -- including moderation.

Unknown said...

Never knew you had to work at a busy working on my kids. At 24 years old, there was no center...working on that now.