Carol Brady

When I became a mom I had no idea how to change a diaper. Jordan wouldn't latch on and I returned to work after six weeks. It was not an easy beginning.
Somehow, through all the chaos, mistakes and exhaustion, he still recognized me as his mom.
It took him eighteen months to say Mamma, but it didn't matter- from the moment of his diagnosis, I was his Mamma. How cute he was dressed, showing him off in our walks to the park and worrying about how much he ate no longer mattered, we were on a mission for his life- from age 12 months.

Sofia was born independent, she taught herself to sleep in her own bed through the night and was potty trained at 15 months. For a certain period of time, she called me her daughter:-) I put a stop to that, but it kind of gives you an idea as to her level of maturity at an early age.

Two days ago we had an IEP meeting for Jordan. 10 Professors, a psychiatrist, Luca and me battling for Jordan.
Four days ago I took Sofia to talk to a child psychiatrist to make sure she was okay with all the changes happening around her. He told us she's okay, but Luca and I are going to speak to him to make sure we're okay with all the changes happening around and inside us.

We can't always predict what's coming around the next curve and we can't always escape the blow, but as mothers we can certainly try to soften it and admit it's there.

Throughout everything MY MOTHER is just a phone call away. I don't always agree with her advice, I don't always take it well, but it's there. Her advice, her love is ALWAYS there.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms who are human, who make mistakes, who cook, clean and iron...and to those who don't make mistakes, who don't cook and who don't clean and never iron....because at the end of the day when you realize you've left him in a dirty diaper for way too long...and you feel like the worst Mom in the world...you change that diaper, give him a bath and extra snuggles.
And he snuggles you back.

The Difference in Music Perception: HAs and CIs....A lil G N' R!

One of the members of the Italian forum posted this video to explain the different ways of hearing music by means of hearing aids or cochlear implant. I happen to love Guns N' Roses, so I found it more effective and interesting than the other "comparisons" out there that I've already listened to in the great attempt at understanding exactly what and how Jordan hears.
Enjoy:-)

Blind Faith

Have you ever been so swept away that you kind of take a leave of absence to experience a different type of reality only to have something happen that slams your feet right back on the ground?
That happened.
And what I discovered was that my feet have always been on the ground and that the ground is still there.
That...is a powerful sensation.

When you try to begin a relationship at age 40, both of you have baggage. So, when confronting an unpleasant or unexpected situation that springs itself upon you unexpectedly, it's logical that your reaction is based on that baggage.
I did a lot of work at the end of my marriage trying to figure out who I am and what I'm all about.
Going through that process can be painful, but if you do it in an honest way, if you live your life in an honest way...no one can touch you. No one can try to turn you into a victim.
The only person who can allow yourself to be a victim is you.


Anyway, life's little moments or setbacks can oftentimes offer great insight to how far you've progressed on that road that you chose, even when you had no idea in what direction you were heading.

Popcorn...just because

Sometimes, living my life is like watching a film. Or maybe I get that feeling when I write about it.
And it's been a while since I've checked in.

Jordan went on a class trip by plane to Sicily for four days-three nights.
He survived, returned with gifts for all and a bunch of amazing pix, but some of the moments weren't so easy for him.
Full-blown adolescence has struck our home.
I'm dealing with one minute- Mom, I need you and the next minute Mom, get out of my room I want to be alone. I'm schizophrenic enough as it is without the added confusion.
He needs to react, but the ability to react to a given situation must come from within. I can help, but I am limited.
Tug-o-war moment between Jordan and himself typical of what your average 15 year hormonal teen goes through, only I was the female version and can never seem to find the words that heal or help.

I don't do impotence very well. But I'm trying.

Sofia is growing up as only Sofia does. The other day my friend whose daughter is best friends with Sofia, told me they were walking in the center of our small town, when an old man yelled to Sofia's friend, "There goes the little girl with the high heels!"
Sofia replied, "Look there's the old man with the dentures!"
Needless to say, I was happy I was not present at that precise moment.
She's currently working on a Math problem regarding meters, kilometers, etc and she asked me for help. I flunked the metric system in Elementary School:-)

I'm trying to balance kids, work and love...because as I am learning...I need love in my life.
As far as that goes, he's introducing me to a lot of first times like motorcycle rides, real coconuts, etc - the other day he surprised me with a bag filled with a sandwich-toaster toaster and the thing that swirls around to dry the lettuce for your salad, so it doesn't get soggy.


I believe he's trying to domesticate me:-)

Two HUGE congresses are up-and-coming...the FCEI in Austria and the NHS 2012 in Cernobbio, Lake Como...preparing presentations for both and so, so excited to see the GPOD- once upon a time, a long time ago, we had a talk under a tree and believed that the system should listen to parents.
The system is listening....

The Sacred Heart

I met a man who blew me away and one month and a half later he took me to Paris.
We walked the streets of Paris in the sunshine that graced us with its presence and found a band playing in the street with shopowners who served crepes and wine to those who passed.
The Mona Lisa smiled upon us as we toured the Louvre, and the bird pooped on the head of the girl sitting at the table beside us as we lunched in the gardens facing the Louvre.
Wine, crepes, croissants and macarons added flavor to the most magical place I have ever seen or been.
I was blessed in the past, and I am blessed now.
Maybe you really do have to ask for love in order to receive it.
It took me a long time to ask, but I am so happy I finally did.

Jordan's Essay Experience

Yesterday, Jordan came home and told me he had to write an essay about Valentine's Day for Italian class.
We sat down together and he wrote the following: (printed with permission from Jordan)

I tried in every way possible to avoid writing this essay, because Valentine's Day is a painful holiday for me. I'm fifteen years old and I don't have a girlfriend. I would like to fall in love, but I'm not ready.

When I was very young and in Elementary School, every year I brought chocolate, flowers and love notes to one of my classmates who had bright blue eyes. Once I even took one of my mother's bracelets to declare my love for her, but my mom found out and I had to give back the bracelet.

My mom loves Valentine's Day and this year she gave me a pair of boxer shorts with a wolf that make a sound that goes, "Uu- Uu- Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" These things are funny, but I suffer anyway.

I want to find my soulmate; my ideal girl would be beautiful, intelligent and fun.
She would have to be sensitive, because she would need to understand how much difficulty I have in talking to girls. I am a gentleman, and I would like to find a girl who appreciates that and who isn't looking for someone "COOL".

In any case, I really hope that for next Valentine's Day I'll have found this girl, because I'm getting tired of my mom's presents.

OKAY

So, Jordan went to school this morning ready to hand in the assignment, only the teacher announced to the class that each person would have to
READ
THEIR
ESSAY
ALOUD!!!!!!

All I can say is that he did it.
23 girls in the class, and 6 guys.
His class requested that he wear the boxer shorts to school:-)

Champagne and Lobster

Emma: I'm not good at this stuff.
Adam: At what, talking?
Emma: Yeah, talking... communicating... relationship stuff. It's just... If we were in a relationship I'd become a weird scary version of myself, and my throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing, it's like a peanut allergy. It's like an emotional peanut allergy.

I wanted to post for Valentine's Day, but I didn't- because I feel like if I write about what I'm living right now, it may disappear.
Jordan did not want to go to school. But I made him go anyway.
I remember when he used to bring his classmates handmade valentines and the day he took my bracelet to give to a girl he was in love with.
Those first-love emotions get lost when we "grow up".
It's easy to talk about sex education and reproduction; but the emotions involved, the sentiments that we should really discuss in depth are often overlooked.

It's not about the birds and the bees..it's totally about the butterflies.
Butterflies can be scary, uncontrollable and unpredictable.

Some choose to remain safe and isolated in that cocoon, while others break free.

The drama comes when the cocoon is broken open when you least expect it.
And at that great moment when solitude has become safety, you open your eyes and think, "Shit"...

To make a long story short, we all experience fear, insecurity and curiosity throughout our lives.
We live emotions in one way when we are adolescents and in another way as adults.

Or at least I thought it was like that, because at this present moment, I am a 40 year old woman living the emotions of a 15 year old with butterflies in her stomach.

Life IS what happens to you while you're busy making other plans...