The Treasure Chest

I am so tired right now that I have absolutely no business blogging. But, I just really wanted to write one thing.

When we're kids, we claw to become adults.

I sucked myself into my mom's gold lamè pants, laced-up the platform white-patent leather boots and applied some horrendous shade of fm red when I was about twelve years old...

Yet, when we're adults, we can't help longing to be kids.

I almost walked around Florence with a reindeer headband, but didn't because it was for Sofia.

That's the beauty of having children...we get to be the adult and a kid. The important thing is to balance it out.

The true miracle occurs when your kid has an adult moment right while you're in the middle of a child moment...makes for one helluva snowball fight.

Image c/o clipartof.com

Born Deaf for a Reason

 

One week after Jordan was diagnosed as being profoundly Deaf, I dreamt of him asking me for three pieces of pizza. I never doubted he would speak. I just never imagined that thirteen years later he would speak to the mother of a newly diagnosed Deaf child.

During the holiday pep talk I had with my friend the other day, she asked me the question, "Does Jordan really understand the type of work you do? I mean, does he realize that everything you try to accomplish through writing, blogging, and offering support is a direct result of him?" I told her that I've explained to him how much he has taught me and how much he has enriched my life, how much I love him and how many parents there are out there who know his story..but I also said I didn't think he really understood exactly the type of work I'm trying to do.

I took him to Pisa today to participate in a study on multi-modal integration- how the brain is able to process both visual and auditory messages per request of my ci surgeon. I asked the speech therapist to organize a meeting with a parent of a deaf baby because I was bringing Jordan.

I met with a mom and her absolutely adorable eighteen month old baby. She asked ME a million questions and Jordan answered all of them. I never opened my mouth. She said, "Was it really hard in elementary school, did your friends make fun of you because you wore hearing aids?" He said, "Yes, they made fun of me. It wasn't easy. But I always played sports like swimming, basketball and baseball. And I went right from pre-school to third grade." I was like "WHAT?" First of all, I said, "You never skipped first and second grade- you must have blocked them out- they weren't the easiest of years and you were a temper-tantrum throwing fighter who always got along with your friends except for a couple." He was a champion...and the mom was really, really happy to talk to him.

 

I sat back and observed my thirteen year old son talk about his life, the fact that he must choose a high school next year, his psp, mp3 and his crazy sister. He told this mom his life story. As we were getting off the train earlier, I said to him, "Jordan, it's possible you may have to speak to a mom when we get there, try not to be timid." He replied, "I'm only shy in front of women." ROTFL.

He was not shy.

That was the first incredible moment of the day...Jordan helping a mom and a younger baby.

The second amazing moment was hanging out with Michele, an older Deaf man, someone for Jordan to identify with. Loved that. Jordan once again told his life story and they talked high school, cis (they both said that when they put on the ci first thing in the morning it's like electric shock to the system-silence to sound-and that it takes ten minutes to handle the world...they also compared stories of people staring at their cis to the point where they say, "Do you want me to explain to you what's on my ear?") and women. Michele's mom and I were the moms watching our "kids" and loving it.

 

His mom gave me an angel charm for my cell phone that I will NEVER take off.

 

Jordan is a special child and I am so blessed to be his mother. He shares himself with others, and even at 13 years old he is conscious that he has overcome difficulties...that he still encounters frustrations on a daily basis...but most importantly...he talks about all of that with others.

I have a hearing Deaf child who listens to what others silently request of him.

The Christmas Country

 

The day of the twentieth reunion, I spoke to Debbie, excited to finally be able to see her. While we were talking, she made the comment that I sound like a pissed off cheerleader when I write and that I allude to the actual situation without really telling it like it is...which is true. I consciously try to explain the situation without explaining the situation. Baring the soul is not always the best means to an end, but maybe sometimes it's necessary. I've told it like it is regarding Jordan's experience, but not regarding the rest. For today, one time only, I am baring it all, because I know I can't possibly be the only one living this complicated situation.

I am a newly-separated Jewish woman living in Christmas-Land, where hypocrisy rules.

Until I got married, I never had a Christmas tree, Christmas lunch, dinner, day after lunch and dinner...that then stretches into New Year's Eve, and in Italy we're REALLY LUCKY that the holiday lasts until January 6th when the Befana flies in on her broom to give more presents. I have begun the countdown to the end...-27 days.

People are already running around bitching..."The kids are going to be home for three weeks, what a pain!"..."I have so much Christmas shopping to do and no money!" ..."The lines are so long and the prices are so high!"

I find myself wondering, hmm, how am I going to deal with this Christmas and my in-laws, obviously I have no other family here, so it's just me and them.

I spoke to my friend about this issue and she told me to reflect. I've been reflecting on the hypocrisy of Christmas instead of the beauty...the kids.

I love that my kids are home for the holidays and that we can snuggle up together. I adore that they have time to play.

The adults have so much bs to manage on a daily basis that magic has left their lives. And there is certainly a fine balance to making the Christmas holiday magical and not a period of spoiling your kids.

I have always appreciated Christmas as a time to spend with family for my kids to establish traditions that they will live as happy memories as they grow. They don't know that so and so is dying of cancer, that their aunt or uncle is in the middle of a divorce and can't stand his or her parents who don't support her, nor that grandma and grandpa just took out a second mortgage to pay for Christmas lunch and presents. They don't care. They want to look around the table and see the faces they love.

I choose to view this holiday season through the eyes of my kids and not through the hypocrisy of adults...that is why this holiday may quite possibly reveal the true meaning of giving.

image c/o vosizneias.com

Time for a Change: Paula's New Journey Starts Now

I met Paula on the listserves and have loved her ever since. Her long arm reaches out to families in need and stretches overseas at least a couple of times a month to smack me back into shape. Her encouraging words, style, way of asserting herself and holding her ground have inspired me and cracked me up. Everything she does has a purpose, meaning and spirit...rare qualities in a person. She also blushes at sexual references and makes a damn good cupcake!

After so many years of standing by her daughter's side, her daughter has become little miss independent, which perhaps has caused Paula to want to do something for herself for the first time in her life. So, she is taking everything her life experiences have taught her and investing in Paula- love that!

Paula's Bittersweet Fond Farewell to Hearing Exchange...

It has been quite a while since you've heard from me via a newsletter or in a HearingExchange blog post. It is a bittersweet time for me as I am writing to tell you that after nearly 10 years of serving thousands of people with hearing loss and their families, I am "closing up" the HearingExchange blog and community.

When I first started HearingExchange, I was a part-time single parent with hearing loss, living in St. Louis so my then 4 year old daughter could attend the Moog Center for Deaf Education. She had been late diagnosed with her own rapidly progressive hearing loss and had both expressive and receptive language delays as a result. After trying out a local oral deaf program, I researched many others and decided to take a big chance and move across the country for what I hoped would be a better program. It was to be the biggest risk I ever took, but also had the greatest payoff beyond my dreams.

For three years my husband flew back and forth weekly between St. Louis and New York, where he worked. To fill the void of quiet evenings alone, and with young toddlers tucked into bed, I sat down to create a website and newsletter, aptly named HearingExchange. My first article, "5 Things to Teach Your Deaf or Hard of Hearing Child" became my all time most widely requested article. In fact, I'm proud to say that all of my articles were very well received and many were written as a direct result of emails I received asking for advice. Many of them can be found online here.

Today, my daughter is an incredibly well-adjusted 8th grader, just weeks away from her 14th birthday. She excels both academically and socially and has been mainstreamed in public school since 1st grade. Making the difficult, but temporary, move from New York to St. Louis afforded her the wonderful opportunity to catch up quickly in language, develop her self-confidence and blossom into the amazing young woman she has become. As she said at her bat mitzvah last year, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" St. Louis and all that we gained there has left an indelible mark on our lives.

It has given me great pleasure to offer you advice, resources, chats, message board forums, free tips articles for syndication and specially selected hearing loss products and publications for all these years. I also loved speaking all over the country to groups and organizations about hearing loss, cochlear implants and raising a deaf child. But now, it is time for a change.

I am getting ready to launch a new business, Just A Bite Desserts, which will require a lot of my time and attention for product development, launching and marketing. I am very excited about this project as it combines my love of both food and entrepreneurship. Please feel free to check out the new blog and follow me on Twitter. There is a fan page on Facebook as well which you can join here.

Thank you so much for your loyal following and for allowing me to serve you through HearingExchange. It truly has been a wonderful endeavor for me and I hope that you found HearingExchange a valuable resource.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy New Year,

Paula

Paula Rosenthal, J.D. - Publisher & Speaker
HearingExchange
Helping People Deal with Hearing Loss since 2000
www.HearingExchange.com

*PS. Thank you*

Music in Our Lives

The twenty year high school reunion was like a starting point for me. It was a moment where I looked my past in so many eyes and became aware of my present...and it is time to move forward.

WE had no music in our lives for so many years of hearing aids.
The cochlear implant changed that and gave us a new beginning.

Jordan is currently preparing a guitar piece for his winter recital and has requested an iPod for Hanukkah/Christmas, need I say more?

My hope is that parents of newly diagnosed deaf children will find this blog, see the musical notes and realize that their child will not miss out on music. And that it is only by living and taking risks, that we may truly appreciate the lyrics.

The past three years have brought about significant change in our family, and while change may be terrifying, sometimes it is necessary. Every single day we deal with our insecurities, and it is only when we look them in the eye and make them our strengths do we truly appreciate the journey.

image c/o dreamstime.com

Spilt Milk

During oppressive periods of our lives, negative casualities directly affect our moods, our behavior and our level of stress. During limbo periods, concentrated negative events seem to conspire to wipe us out, yet the human spirit is resilient, so we battle and claw. It's kind of a cyclical thing, until we overcome so many glitches and blows to the point where we learn to know ourselves and how we react in extreme situations.

For example:
Sofia Madyson decides she wants something to drink.

Sofia: "MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY! I want a glass of orange juice NOW!!!"
Mommy: "Sofia, number one- that is just not the way to ask for something. Ask me nicely and properly, please."
Sofia Madyson: "Mommy, could I please have a glass of orange juice?"
Mommy: "Of course you may, my adorable child, you know where the refrigerator and the glasses are...please feel free to walk yourself downstairs and pour yourself a delicious glass of orange juice."
Sofia: "No, Mommy, you do it."
Mommy: "No, Sofia, you are the one who's thirsty, you do it."
Sofia: *Screaming temper tantrum- feet kicking, arms flailing*
Mommy: *Patient and waiting with kleenex in hand*
Sofia Madyson: (Sniffling) "Mommy, look at my nose."
Mommy: (Wipes nose and waits)
Sofia Madyson: (Looks at me, lowers eyes and walks downstairs where I hear the fridge opening and Sofia Madyson pouring herself a glass of orange juice. Obviously, the next tragedy occurs) "Mommmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy, I spilled the orange juice!"
Mommy: (Walking calmly downstairs thinking, why didn't I just pour the damn orange juice??) "Don't worry Sofia, I'm proud of you for getting your own glass of oj, next time just be more careful while pouring."

Jordan: (From upstairs) "Mamma, could I please have a glass of Coke!"
Mommy: "Get your butt downstairs and pour it yourself, I am not your slave- Mamma!
Jordan: (Walking downstairs) "Calm yourself, Mamma, here I am."

And there he was, pouring himself a glass of Coke without spilling a drop.

Life teaches us lessons every day; people teach us lessons every day. We must have the will to learn and the courage to clean up the spills...until we pour that glass of oj without spilling a drop, shedding a tear or hurling something at our computer screen.

Image c/o realestatewebmasters.com

My (Business) Date

*Smile*
Ok. So, I had this huge meeting in Rome yesterday and I had to wake up at 7,30 am, which was 1,30 am. USA time and I'm still on USA time. I took the train to Rome and did some work on the computer which thankfully worked on and off during the train ride. I have been corresponding with the gentleman I was to meet for the past three months and was looking forward to meeting him to discuss the Newborn Hearing Screening project.

He called me while I was on the train and said he was waiting at the end of the platform and to look for a man in a checked sportcoat carrying a brown leather bag. There he was, my sixty-something man who I hoped would make my life. I gave him the old European double kiss greeting and we were on our way. We took a taxi to a bistro where we proceeded to discuss my project, I whipped out my computer and showed him all of the necessary information. Our bigger meeting was scheduled for four o'clock, but he had requested to meet me for lunch beforehand, and all of this started at 12:00pm. We talked newborn hearing screening for two hours and then sat down to a lovely lunch.

*At this point it was 8:00 am USA time and my brain stopped functioning*

He ordered wine, so after about two glasses and a delicious lunch, he suggested we go for a walk to a cafe for dessert. I said, "Perfect!" Off we went, me, exhausted and wearing heels that were killing my feet-I never wear heels. We walked for about thirty minutes and just when I thought I was going to absolutely lay down in the middle of the street, we found an outdoor cafe.

I didn't know what to do, I was going to collapse. So, I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Have you ever lost your head for someone?" I almost gave him a heartattack. We were there to talk business, but I figure, my role is that of a mother, so I can do these things. His eyes lit up and he started telling me about someone from his past. This woman told him how important it was to "appreciate the moment." (I would love to go into details, but I can't)

Well, there we were appreciating the moment. A beautiful sunny day in Rome eating an ice-cream truffle floating in coffee and talking about his past, which was rather interesting. I mean seriously, I come into contact with fascinating people who travel the world and who meet other fascinating people, why shouldn't I pry?

Um, the meeting didn't exactly go as I'd hoped, but I have faith. I kind of yelled at him when he left me at the train station and he said he liked that I was a passionate woman.

*Thanks*

I passed out on the train.