Thursday, August 11, 2011

Intimidating?

Jo from Australia came to visit me the past couple of days. She's been following the blog for three years and we've become closer over the years. Amazing meeting her in person, she's sent me letters at critical points of this journey without ever knowing it.
The second time she came over my house she confessed that she found me intimidating. Me????? I'm probably one of the most down to earth people around. Somehow, she got the message that I have it all together, that I'm this wise, wonderful woman with a perfect life.
No idea how that happened. Three years I've been dealing with broken pieces, struggling to fit them together in order to complete a new puzzle. Every post is a reflection of a moment, a struggle and a serious effort to find the light in the darkness. There is always light in the darkness.
People have been so totally shitty to me, people that I love and who I am determined to respect. I refuse to be a victim in my own blog. So I concentrate on the beautiful people who have helped me grow.
I choose.
And I try to make choices in my kids' best interests.
Always.
There was a moment when I threw away the sweats for skinny jeans.
There were moments on Sofabed Island, where I berated my brain trying to find the right answer to the question, "What is love?"
I don't know what love is, I only know that it comes in many shapes and forms...the best thing is to love everyone, and at a certain point the love strategy comes back around to you. You learn to love yourself, because you finally realize who you are.

And that's really all you can be and do.

That realization slams your feet on the ground and brings peace.
I said hello to a guy on the beach I thought I knew. I was wrong. He followed me from the beach to my car and asked me for my telephone number. He may have been 24 years old. At first I was nice when I told him to get lost. He didn't get it, so I had to get bitchy.

A 65 year old man started hitting on me on the train, luckily Jordan was sleeping. I told him I didn't speak Italian.

So much shit has happened in the past three years. Character forming shit.

In one 24 hour period, I wear running shoes, flip flops, sandals and heels.
I communicate with families, throw out the trash, fight with Jordan over X-Box and Sofia for stealing my new lip-gloss.

Me, intimidating???
Nah.

2 comments:

Paula Rosenthal said...

You are wise, insightful, amazing, funny, interesting and handling the curveballs life throws at you one step at a time. You are HUMAN, never intimidating! :) Love you!

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