Saturday, October 9, 2010

Tick Tick Tick...

I think I'm having a moment. I believe it's called self-doubt. It ain't pretty.
Maybe because everything is pretty.
Jordan and Sofia are growing and both are involved in activities. Jordan's swimming and now studying piano. Sofia's about to start theatre. It was interesting in the pool yesterday. At a certain point, Jordan was swimming a lap like a missile, but his form wasn't the best. His swim instructor tried to get his attention, but between goggles and deafness, it was impossible. His swim instructor also happens to be his support teacher in the classroom (wink); after struggling and failing to get him to look at her, she turned to look at me, hands thrown in the air in desperation.
I couldn't exactly tell her that I usually throw something at him to get his attention in the pool or in the sea, probably not very politically correct, so I just smiled and nodded.

So, um, well, I think this article is maybe supposed to come out in this major Italian national paper tomorrow and I have absolutely no idea what the journalist wrote. Extremely unsettling feeling. So, I invited about seven kids over all day today to distract myself from thinking, wondering, etc. But it's not working.

It's times like these that I reflect about what we've actually done over the past fourteen years of Jordan's life. And how much more I could potentially do.

I've spent a great deal of the past three years a hysterical, fighting, battling, aggressive, emotional woman trying to reach an objective. I could come closer to reaching that objective if the article is powerful. How do you not have Newborn Hearing Screening as a mandatory part of National Healthcare in the year 2010, when Italy offers all services necessary to help families with a deaf child? It makes no sense.

No matter how many doctors I've met and educated, I'm still that mother sitting in front of my audiologist trying to understand that she was telling me my son was deaf in a language not my own.

I am still that mother.


haddy2dogs said...

We all feel that way. It comes with the territory. I happen to think you are an amazing mom.

Anonymous said...

yeah, I would find other ways to get attention too. I know people prefer deaf people to respond the way they want them to response, but they have to ask themselves, "WWDD" = what would deaf do.... when They (deaf people) want other deaf people's attention. Like you wrote, you would have thrown a towel or something... or change your method of teaching or just let it go and let him get his excercise and tell him afterward.