Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Honey


Today is the LAST of the Italian holidays, and tomorrow my kids go back to school. Their bedtime has been progressively prolonged, so last night we watched a Jackie Chan film until about 1 am until I got a text message that the Blues Brothers were on, so I told Sofia and Jordan, "Time to go to bed!" We were all in bed together and I just didn't have the energy to ship them out to their islands, so Sofia decided to sleep at the foot of the bed and Jordan flat out begged to watch the Blues Brothers after having taken off his ear. After evaluating the risk of dealing with a tired Jordan today, I gave him back his ear and we hung out watching The Blues Brothers together. Don't want to scandalize anyone, but it was my first time watching it...amazing- especially with Jordan dancing next to me. We hit the sheets at about 3 and I'm writing this in a megastateofcoma.

Obviously the first thing I do when I wake up is not go brush my teeth, get dressed or eat breakfast, but check my emails and I was not disappointed this moring. Got two of the most remarkable letters from two remarkable people, who I would have never expected to receive emails from...so, thank you- really- so much.

Today, I would like to talk about E*G*O.

A person's ego is responsible for 99% of the pain in his life and the life of his kids. The size of an ego varies depending on your childhood, profession, family life, amount of money you possess, etc. By introducing yourself to your ego and becoming aware that it is responsible for your temper tantrums, road rage, level of generosity and capacity to love...you learn how to have conversations with your heart.

Once upon a time I called a man "Honey" in the middle of a volleyball game against a team of Jewish Russian men. The entire team of Russian men began calling this man "Honey." Now a man with a super-huge ego would have 1. Told me to shut the hell up or 2. Taken on the Russian men for calling him "Honey". Instead, we wiped their asses off the floor and went home together laughing.

Having now experienced a separation, I can pretty much say that the majority of separations are nasty because the parties involved are so busy trying to destroy each other that in the end, they destroy the kids..for what? An extra couple of hundred dollars a month?

I changed my name back to Jodi Michelle Cutler.

In a previous blog post, I said I wouldn't do that, but I changed my mind. The name change thing makes me feel extremely vulnerable, yet at the same time I don't mind the vulnerability. I'm no longer a Del Dottore, my kids are- and I love that- but I'm not. The Del Dottore name enriched me, so I'm taking all that I lived, learned and loved for the past thirteen years and I'm placing it in the Cutler Bank.

Your ego is that barbed-wire fence surrounding your heart. It protects you from pain and suffering, but it limits your ability to grow. I would like to grow some more.

image c/o rollingstone.com

11 comments:

Debbi said...

Jodi, I changed my name to my maiden name when I separated (over 20 years ago). It helped restore my sense of self and helped me move on. Initially, I worried that my kids would be bothered...but as I've gotten older and remarried and have children with different last name and watched my middle son have a daughter without his last name...I realize names matter fairly minimally in the big scheme of things. They may be important for a moment, but the love and care provided to your loved ones are what matter and what is remembered. Your children will remember you going to Christmas when it wasn't easy for you and remember watching the Blues Brothers late into a school night and they will remember the loving warmth of your bed and dancing wildly in the middle of the night. You're doing good things in Tuscany my friend.

Stephen said...

Welcome back "CUTLER" - good decision! BTW, haven't you been in Italy since 1996 which will be 14 years this year? D

Debbie said...

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
and for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself.

William Shakespeare speech - O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

You are perfection! xoxo

Jodi Michelle Cutler said...

Debbi...thank you so much for that comment- I hope so:-)

Dad, I will remember the fb email exchange to finally decide:-) love you..

Debbie, my friend, that was the piece I had to memorize for Mrs. Koontz' ninth grade speech class:-) And I can assure you that that has been going through my head for the past couple of days- "What is in fact in a name!!??" Time will tell...LOVE YOU!!!!

Anonymous said...

well, if you're disabled u have it pretty tough in the dating game

Jo (Australia) said...

Oh Jodi, you give me a feeling of such warmth in all that you write. You have such amazing strength and resilience, it is admirable. Your children are so lucky to have you, and I'm sure they too, will carry on these traits. I'm sure 2010 will bring you only good things(which you deserve)and I'll be wishing for you! :)xx

Anne said...

Hi Jodi!
First off, Jodi Michelle is a very pretty name.
Secondly, I think you should change the background music to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN5V-6yCbpg
or, in honor of my hometown:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tlou_2lMLAc
I wish you all the best for the new year!

Jodi Michelle Cutler said...

*Done*
lol.............xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Anne said...

Thanks!! Love that opening guitar riff!

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