Re: Mishka...Deaf Culture-Deaf Community??

In Mishka's post Against ASL and Deaf Culture, Karen Mayes Says:

*whistle*
I really don’t have a problem with ASL (we use it predominately at home) and Deaf Culture. In fact, it is fun and comfortable, but I am not 100% involved due to having two children mainstreamed in public schools and my husband working at a hearing company. I just go on my life, not thinking about Deaf Culture, etc, just like most of people just living. Deaf culture is really part of Deaf community, nothing more, as well as oral deaf people, CI deaf people, Cued Speaking deaf, late deafened, etc, just being part of Deaf community.
It all comes down to finding one’s comfort zone and one’s journey to find a sense of belonging.

It's taken me a year, but I now understand the difference between Deaf Culture and Deaf Community....I think.

Can you have liberal views regarding CIs, oral methodologies and cued speech if you are a part of Deaf Culture??

Is Deaf Culture the radical, anti-anyone-who-doesn't-use-ASL branch of the Deaf Community?

If I make a statement that the Deaf Community is becoming more open-minded towards the CI Community, is that true or false?

PS. I gave a presentation on Saturday to a group of Speech Therapists at a Cochlear Implant Course, and I asked Jordan to help me by making a video. After about ten attempts we finally got one right...(okay, we are in the bathroom-no damn light in my house!)
Fly Attack

La Mosca

Take Two:

Finally...(In Italian)

Response to the YOUNG DUDES -Oralist's Melodrama

Norah Jones can bite me, today it's Rhianna and Fergie-Ferg, lol. I am NOT a good influence on the little teenagers that I teach, I am MUCH more IMMATURE! Sitting here chewing on a piece of a Mega-chocolate Easter egg...Easter sucks here and will kill me because they don't give you little Mary Sues, they give you HUGE WONKER eggs with little insignificant, but VERY built up prizes inside. The kid channel commercials all hype the eggs by exaggerating the "hot toy of the moment." Of course Sofia goes wild, and of course my husband in love with his princess succombs. Don't all dads? So, I have about a ton of chocolate spread throughout my toiletbowl of a house...and I, being the chocoholic I am, indulge.

Back to my extremely high level of immaturity. Friday, I had two more middle school lessons with really cute kids. Yeah, we talked Tokyo Hotel and High School Musical. Saturday, I was told to F-off twice by one of my students. She was right, I was making fun of her because she was meeting a guy in the Corso - the main street of Grosseto's center, where all the little teeny-boppers congregate on Saturday afternoon. Note: the adolescents in this BORING town are condemned to a life sentence of walking up and down, up and down, up and down the main street, scoping until their parents send them to the University the hell out of this place. She was one of the girls I took to London in July (note, there are pix and a video circulating on this blog, youtube and internet from that little trip - it was a "JOY" *wink* (Okay, here's one photo-of course, I'm first in line-That pale guy's hot, isn't he? It's amazing what a girl will do for some free clothes))
and she needed a little assistance in the "guy" department. I gave her an education, as much of an education as you can give to a 15 year old and not be arrested. And now, she's telling me to f-off!!?? She's growing up...and she's going to Dublin with me this summer again...I will make her life hell - paybacks are all about that, aren't they?? I'm generally not the vindictive type, but if I can make someone sweat...

Yesterday, Luca was playing football (yes, he is forty and still playing/coaching American football - looks damn good in the uniform. My husband has the BEST ass I have ever seen in my life, which is saying a lot. I am married, but I am not DEAD!)and I was with the kidlings all day. Jordan had a birthday party at the beach. EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT! That spring smell is circulating and it was sunny and beautiful yesterday, what better place to be than the beach? I live for the beach and having lived in Baltimore most of my life - three hours from the closest ocean- which is slowly becoming NOT most of my life, living twelve minutes from the beach is just mind-blowing. Allow me to provide you with a photo of my "BEACH EXPERIENCE"...don't cry, it ain't all roses and glory - Winter sucks bigtime, here, but I managed to make it through another one...
Enough talking out of my ass...at least about that:)

In the Oralist's Melodrama Part II - I'll go back to part one in a minute...One of "All the Young Dudes" writes:
OK people, trick question time, if every “deaf” person chose their own preferred method of communication and were put in a room, how would they reach out to each other? Some refuse to sign. Some just can’t pick up speech. Some cue [as in join lines]. Some are illiterate.
My answer is that they would respond just as the bloggers have responded, by writing...and as I responded my first two years in this country, by smiling a helluva lot. Days and days of smiling, tuning into the language, tuning back out, smiling, laughing, bluffing just like deaf people do. How much SOCIAL BLUFFING have I done in my lifetime here? I have a good smile, will make eye contact, so I am as good a bluffer as my child - And because of my experience, I know when Jordan bluffs...and believe me or not, I "get" some of the deaf experience. My missing pieces are slowly being filled in by commenters and people sending emails off-blog, which I appreciate. As you can see, I am not a very private person.

Throwing out another question for you "Young Dudes..." your Episode 1 post had me going until your last sentence, which maybe was trying to be the kicker, but that totally contradicted your line of thinking. You wrote:
Now, to clear up one common misconception, the Deaf world is no more limiting than the hearing world is. Anybody who says otherwise, is a frigging liar. The limits of the Deaf world are those that have been imposed by the hearing world. For all the choices the hearing world has at its disposal, it still values hearing above all else!
People are people and are limited by ignorance, insensitivity, immaturity, envy and indignation. Sometimes ignorance can be a blessing, because only those who are able to evolve, suffer, can understand why they're suffering, but can't do anything about that, although there is always the power to choose. Insensitivity is a form of self-protection and an unwillingness to "go there." Immaturity, I am sure has to do with age and past lives and a need to learn and grow combined with a willingness to do so in this life. Envy, envy is one of those emotions that I do not and will never accept. Envy arises from a lack of self-acceptance and pride, fear and resentment that someone has something you do not.

Indignation, anger at something unfair is a hard one to overcome if you genuinely feel that you have been done wrong by life and are helpless to overcome that situation. Anger stems from a lack of control over circumstances.

When do I lose it? When Jordan was younger he used to push all the right buttons to piss me off and I would get that helpless feeling that only anger could drive away...until I realized that if I took control of situations before they got out of control, I could avoid the anger and manage my child.

This sentence:

"The limits of the Deaf world are those that have been imposed by the hearing world. For all the choices the hearing world has at its disposal, it still values hearing above all else!"

...is a product of indignance and anger. The Deaf world's limits are only those which they impose upon themselves, and the hearing world could give a shit about "hearing," you don't value something that is an inherent part of yourself. You generally only place value on something you don't or can't have...superficial or otherwise.

The strength of the Deaf community lies in the fact that they can't hear, so the use of other senses assumes a totally new meaning. Dancing, enjoying music, smelling Spring is done on a deeper level, without the sense of hearing for some. KW wrote an amazing post "Yes Mike, I Get It" about this different perspective as a Deaf woman viewing the hearing world...
She wrote, insightfully as always:
"I guess the waitress decided Kate was capable of dishing up her own food. After all, Kate could speak. You have to wonder what they think sometimes-- Hearing people. That you need a voice in order to dish up food? I don't get it. But that's when it hit home how different the world is for culturally Deaf people."

Deafhood, Deaf Identity, Deaf Culture, whatever label you want to use, it's all about the collective experience, the interaction with a world full of sounds...and cochlear implants (which are sexy contrary to what another blogger wrote), hearing aids, ASL, progressive, moderate, profound hearing loss, all of you have those experiences -the journey- and are effectively Deaf. The only thing that can limit the Deaf community are ignorance, insensitivity, immaturity, envy and indignation.

BTW- I am a big Rachel fan *smile*

Mishka - Please "FIX" this...

This was A Deaf Pundit's comment (posted with a photo) on my MACK ATTACK? blog:
Please know that Aidan Mack does not represent all of us Deaf. There are many of us who disagree with what she says and her methods.
We just want to see a balance in the debate of CIs. All we hear is the positive side of CIs, and we know that it is not always successful.
I respect each parent's decision when it comes to their children. If the parent wants a CI for their child, then great. As long the parent is given the full picture on CIs. That doesn't happen often enough, sadly.
So,I do see a need for unbiased, impartial information to be presented. By no means is that any fault of the parents here, and I don't understand the anger at the parents, personally.
I'm sorry you and other parents were attacked. (I haven't felt attacked yet) You guys do NOT deserve that at all.
And this was ANONYMOUS'comment:

No one in the blog makes a conflict. It's you (note:the "you" would be little, old me) who makes
a conflict. Then you're the one
who is hypocritic and dishonest,

If you were honest, you'd have deleted Deaf Pundit's ugly,
character-assassinating post.

Thank you.
(Character-assassinating?)

Please note...I come in peace. I am here to SHARE our experience and to LEARN from yours. I am here to create a dialogue with the Deaf Community who based on the majority of comments (that I will reply to and so appreciate receiving, but my life is total chaos right now, the fifty free minutes I have today are being dedicated to this blog) received on this blog is ready to LISTEN. Do cochlear implants work for everyone? Hell, no, but they work for my son. Why isn't he important enough to make the Deaf Community begin accepting that approaches to DEAFNESS are in constant evolution?
When Jordan wore hearing aids, he was ego-centric, angry, "deaf"iant, needy, frustrated and totally incapable of showing affection. So, yes, I can understand why people are wary based on a history of this...and I can understand why many who grew up with the oral approach would have then turned to the Deaf Community. When my son finally activated the ci, he changed completely. He smiles, laughs, dances, plays music, and is constantly searching for affection...he's a lover.
Mishka, the Deaf Community knows you and how you feel - that you will provide an unbiased approach in your search for ci stories. As I already posted on your blog, there is no one case that will give the Deaf Community what it is looking for, but the more cases you provide, the more people will understand that we are not going away. Something needs to be done to "fix" the divide, so for now, I will continue giving, giving, giving, sharing and building bridges.

This comment left by Mark blew me away and I would like to sincerely thank him for having taken the time to listen to what I am saying...
Hi everyone,

I wanted to respond sooner but my schedule would not allow it. However I still wish to point out that a few people used the word “projection” in response to my original comment. I can understand how someone could arrive at this conclusion, especially after I shared my own personal experience and also considering how they don’t fully know my background.

First of all, let me assure you that I was not projecting. My concerns, rather, are more along the lines of what Karen said (the Karen from A Deaf Mom Shares Her World, not Karen Mayes). Amy Cohen-Efron also made some good points that echo my sentiments.

I’ve worked with several CI children and most of them, as far as I can tell, morphed from “deaf” to “hard of hearing” from a functional standpoint. That’s where Karen and Amy’s concerns come into play.

Also, I personally know several deaf people who have a CI. Two of them had bad experiences (including one guy who had to go right back into the operating room after something went horribly wrong). On the plus side, there’s another person who had a fantastic experience with the CI. She loves it and has no problem conversing with her hearing relatives, either in person or on the phone. For this person it does indeed seem like a medical miracle.

However, the great majority of the people I know who have a cochlear implant fall somewhere in between. And that brings us back to my original concern. The “in-betweeners” have their own issues of which most of the world is unaware.

As for my own background: I consider myself culturally Deaf. I have my own ideals that match the ideals of most people in the culturally Deaf world but I don’t force them on anyone - not even my own kids. I believe that the individual comes first before the ideal.

FYI, my oldest son is in the category of kids most likely to succeed from a CI. I let him know this. I let him know of ALL the options he has, even the ones I wouldn’t want for myself. He has a right to know. Someday I’ll have to publish his response. Absolutely floored me. I stand by my earlier assertion that kids are smarter than adults.

Anyway, back to my background: even though I’m culturally Deaf, I’m also the guy who, in the book Anything But Silent, wrote that it was time for the Deaf world to welcome the CI deaf. This was published in 2004 but it was an event in 1998 that made me change my thinking (in 1997 and the years before, I may have been guilty of projection. If you want me to explain how my perspective changed, I would be glad to do so in a separate post in my own blog.)

In another one of my books, an anthology titled On the Fence: The Hidden World of the Hard of Hearing, there are about 5 CI stories. Again, I do not allow my personal ideals to stand in the way when I encounter stories from people who have done differently than I would have done. I may have my own beliefs but these writers do have a powerful story to tell and they have every right to do so. I hate to toot my own horn but I wanted to mention all of this so that in the future, when I share my pro-ASL perspective or any concerns about the CI, no one will write it off as “projection.”

That said, I have one more issue/concern that I would like to share here. This topic was initiated by Jodi, a hearing parent whose child has a CI. And this parent shows all the willingness in the world to listen to the Deaf perspective. I greatly, greatly appreciate it because it is through this willingness (on both sides) that an effective dialogue can be maintained and perhaps somehow, a sense of community for ALL of us can be forged. We are all in this together.

My reason for bringing this up is that while we have a hearing CI parent being open-minded, it’s puzzling to see DEAF people in here consistently posting anti-deaf commentary on a consistent basis in their own blogs or in comments sections everywhere else. I understand a little bit of kvetching here and there (no community is perfect – we all have our flaws), but to see deaf constantly bashing other deaf in such a manner truly boggles the mind. I truly don’t understand because let me tell you, my years at Gallaudet University were a magical experience and I cherish the culturally Deaf world with all my heart. So if you’re a deaf person constantly critical of the Deaf world, I can’t help you. All I can say is look in the mirror and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to help yourself.

January 15, 2008 5:44 PM

MISHKA - YOU GO, GIRL!

Jamie Berke, back in the house! First of all, I need to say, for those who misinterpreted my post about Aidan Mack that her response to me, touched me, and I understand where she is coming from...as the mother of a deaf child. I did not at all feel like I was under attack, I just wanted to throw her name in the post so more people would read that we are creating an open dialogue. Guilty of name-dropping. I will resort to such tactics for the purpose of letting the Deaf Community know that I am listening to them and their individual experiences. Our experience is kind of different, yet very similar in that living in Italy, Jordan and I both had to learn a language that was not our own, as many hearing parents do when teaching ASL to their children. Learning two languages (LIS (Italian Sign) and Italian) would have been too much to add to the equation. I was unable to speak to Jordan in English as it would have been too confusing for him, he wore hearing aids at the time. We were such a mess:), we still are, but now we realize that that is just part of our daily routine and nature.
Can I just say that the big D really pisses me off as the hearing mom of a deaf child? That big D says EXCLUSIVE CLUB MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED (for some- the price is just too high), but it also says "we need to protect ourselves-" a powerful combination. Jamie Berke wrote:
Without that type of struggle, will the new CI generation identify as deaf? This is what is scaring the older generation of deaf people so much - the thought that fewer and fewer young deaf people will choose to identify as deaf.
What people need to realize and appreciate is that the mothers of ci kids who have been leaving comments are reaching out to the DEAF COMMUNITY with voices that are saying, we love our deaf kids, why don't you? We recognize their deaf identity, why don't you? We would like to be reassured that there is a place within the DEAF COMMUNITY for our kids and for that to occur, our choice of the cochlear implant must be accepted.
Loved this comment left on Mishka's Blog:Hey Mishka Zena,

You’ve got a great thing going here, thank you for doing this. I also appreciate the relatively flame-free dialogue going on in the comments section. (*Gasp!* Could we actually be learning from each other?)
Before I make my own point, I’d like to add that my son (who will soon turn 9) started rapidly losing his hearing at age 7 and now has an ASL interpreter in his school. And one of his best friends in school has a CI. It’s funny because if you ask my son if he wants a CI he’ll cringe, and his friend with the CI doesn’t show much interest in ASL… but regardless, they still get along great. Obviously kids are smarter than adults
Anyway, the point I wanted to make: regarding the request for more CI stories from the actual CI recipients themselves (instead of their parents)… I understand the “next generation” of CI users is too young to post here so that’s a bit problematic.
At the same time, I can’t help but be wary because when I was a kid, there were just so many teachers and hearing relatives raving about how great I was doing. I believed them. I really thought I was doing great. Not until I later attended Gallaudet did I realize that I’d actually missed out on a lot. I never spoke up in my earlier years because I didnt have a frame of reference. (This is similar to the “Met Deaf, Wow!” phenomenon that Gina Oliva beautifully describes in the “Through Deaf Eyes” documentary.)
So it’s through my own experience as a deaf person, not out of disagreement or disregard, when I’m not sure how to interpret it when I see a parent or medical professional speaking on behalf of deaf children. Perhaps this dialogue will help us learn more about each other.
Again, I’m enjoying the comments here and would love to see more from all perspectives.
Thank you for doing this
Best regards,
Drolz
I get that people are wary based on their own personal experience, but they need to come to terms with their personal experiences and not project that negativity on a generation of others. We are all about trying to love every single identity that makes up our kids.

Speaking of love, my son has been in love since he was in the first year of elementary school. He has gone through a series of crushes and last night he handed me a note:
Translated -
Hi, Sara! I would like to ask you a question: would you like to be my girlfriend? Please.(then he drew three boxes under which, he wrote: yes...no...I don't know (rofl...about the three boxes))
from, Jordan
Sara's response:
Jordan, I want to be your FRIEND FOREVER, because I don't want to ruin our friendship. (Note: FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP were underlined five times each)
On the back of this note, Jordan wrote:
How much do I like you? Infinity and beyond and if you will be my girlfriend, I will buy you everything that you want. (little too materialistic for me, but he is an eleven year old loverboy)
He would kill me if he knew that I just told the world, but if there is one thing about me, it's that I still haven't learned how to keep my big, fat mouth shut!

LISTEN...

Living in Italy and approaching Jordan's deafness using the oral approach, we have had extremely limited contact with the Italian Deaf Community. Jamie Berke's strong moderate voice was the first person I found whose blog (please blog more) touched me and led me to begin investigating the American Deaf Community. When taking a closer look at the Deaf Community, I found a powerful sense of community and identity, which is unfortunately highly exclusive and riddled with fear. There are too many judgemental voices unwilling to take a liberal stance in regard to the cochlear implant and hearing parents. These radical voices are overpowering those moderate voices, at least in respect to many hearing parents whose deaf children will not need to become part of the Deaf Community. I posted one of Geo's videos a while back about how he ran into a parent and a child with a ci, and I liked him. (I also liked the Harry Potter jelly beans video - hysterical and the hat thing works for him!)

Anyway, there is no need to feel a sort of false empathy for our kids, because they are not missing out on anything and will have every opportunity in the future to find whatever it may be that they will need when that time comes. The Cochlear Implant Community is growing, just to give an example - the Pediatric Cochlear Implant Circle led by one amazing mom together with the Gift of Hearing Foundation, has created a PARENT TO PARENT: COCHLEAR IMPLANTS FOR KIDS BROCHURE and the demand has been both overwhelming and gratifying to all members of the Circle who put a helluva lot of love and heart in creating the brochure. Hearing and Deaf parents alike need to have access to a growing CI Community that does not judge any person regarding communication methods. We will create our own community whether or not the Deaf Community wishes to partake, but just think how powerful a collective voice could be in educating others regarding DEAFNESS...we are in the year 2008.

Paula Rosenthal has created a community for deaf teenage youth. She said:
There are so many things wrong with the comments you quoted from Rita's Expressive Blog that it would take me hours to respond. In particular I am outraged at the assumption that because we don't choose to teach our kids ASL it means we don't love them! Ludicrous!

This one got me too: "In short, sometimes parents don’t realize they neglect their children by depriving them to full access to communication." Hmm... but teaching them oral language IS full access to communication. We're not neglecting our kids, we're allowing them the freedom to choose to be part of the world at large, the hearing world. If we only teach them ASL they are going to have limited options if they want to become members of the hearing world. Communication with the larger world of people with normal hearing is going to be tough. Not so the other way around. If we teach them to listen and speak and they or we decide to learn and use ASL afterwards, then they have a choice and can go back and forth between the two cultures.

My sincere feeling though is that it is up to the families to make these choices. One choice is not the right one for everyone. Oral language worked for us when both hard of hearing parents were oral and we had a hard of hearing child. No one should criticize me for my choice. I'm her parent, not the collective Deaf community.

Parents need to make difficult choices when they have children with hearing loss. It is up to them to do their own research about communication choices and cochlear implantation. They don't need people (on either side) to say, "This is what you should do."

Abbie said:
Jodi, I swear, again and again you continue to amaze me :) You hit the nail right on the head in EVERY single subject, pure diversity of deafness and you nailed it.

While it took me a very long time to accept being deaf, it wasn't my parents that neglected my access to communication, it was the educational system. I lost interest in signing since I was scoring 100% and picking up the English language quite nicely. The school felt what do I need signing for? On top of that, they felt signing class consisted of learning the ABC's. Looking back at that now, I see the error in the schools ways. With my parents trying to teach me sign at home and the school system telling me I don't need it, that isn't equal opportunity.

No wonder it took me so damn long to say "I'm deaf." My personal belief now is that if a child is deaf or HOH or whatever other acronyms they have for us, is in a mainstream school push sign language as much as possible. Technology fails and its those kind of failures that high school doesn't prepare you for.

And Val, Gage's mom, parent volunteer and co-owner of the yahoo support group learn2hear, which provides parents with a variety of helpful resources, powered in with this biggie:
Listen, we love our kids, in fact we adore our children like most parents do. I don't see why my kids need to learn a second language at such a young age when they have no one to use it with. We know absolutely no other deaf people and no one signs. I mean, they don't need it to talk to us since they can speak. I did teach my first born (deaf)child signs as a baby/toddler, he was receptive but never expressive. He still to this day does not want to learn sign. He has no interest in it. It's been offered several times, and I actually wanted him to learn some now that he's six, at the top of his class and for the most part on a eight year old level in his language and other areas as well!(as per several, several tests by a local Children's Hosp). He still knows what I taught him as a child but has never, other than I love You, signed anything. I don't think searching out and moving where there is a Deaf community is right either, for us. These days kids are getting full access to communication, despite what some want to believe. For my son to sit in a reg. classroom and still bring home 100's and A's consistently, lets me know he's getting full access. When he's happy after school because he and his buddies crawled around like cats during recess, that's heart warming. People need to realize that these kids now, are being brought up by powerful people. We've learned from parents before us and we are teaching parents new to this. Information is powerful. Learning what to do with it, can be evolutionary. And to see my kids teaching other kids about what it's like to wear equipment to hear, spreading information about how some deaf kids can hear and talk is changing our community. To be able to go to the library now and check out a book they can relate to where a kid has an implant and speaks like they do instead of all of the deaf characters singing only, is amazing. We couldn't do that a few months ago. That's thanks to a powerful mom who saw a need and met that need, not only for her child, but for mine and thousands more children. It's amazing to me to see babies that can sign, hearing or not. I wanted that for my kids and it didn't happen. However, we adapted and we moved forward and I realize it just wasn't meant to be. I would have gladly picked up and moved if I had to, to find a proper Deaf Community for my children if they never progressed verbally, so they could be exposed to sign other than just at home. There is one about two hours from here at a Deaf and Blind School which my kids were a part of for three years during their early intervention. We've investigated sign, believe me, and I personally find it interesting. I enjoy hearing how the different signs came about. How many of those opposed to being verbal have investigated AVT-auditory verbal therapy? I know of a couple of college kids who sign only, they were not too happy w/those parents who didn't teach their kids sign. However, when they met with two AVTs, had one-on-one time with them, they got the big picture. They were completely okay with it. I even watched one girl do her "speech" as the interpreter translated, she said she was completely okay now that she understands that advancing language is the focus. I personally don't need other people to be okay with my choices, as I am absolutely, 100% confident, that my kids are okay, they're loved, they're getting full access to communication, they're progressing and happy, and my son just wants to build monster trucks when gets older and my daughter(4) just wants to be a mother. I also saw a family (signing only) writing notes back and forth to a lady who had a kid w/an implant at our audiologist's clinic. Finally the interpreter came in and they were all communicating with ease now and the Daddy who signs was telling the lady that he believed that HER child should've been taught to sign and she of course said that the parents make the decisions on what language is used (Spanish,Sign,Spoken English.,etc) and he simply smiled and agreed with her and followed up with he just wanted the same respect in return. She told him that she fully respected them and not once questioned HIS choice and they both smiled as they walked to their appointments, not sure how they felt leaving the conversations.
p.s. as for the kids'future if devices fail and they can't be replaced...we would have to move anyway, no one in this area signs so I image they'd pick up sign quickly and still use their lip reading when needed, they happen to be very good even though they can't fully rely on that for sure. I like to look at the big picture but I try to live in the moment and enjoy my kids as you never know what could happen. Kids are taught different languages in school these days anyway so I am fully confident that we can cross any bridge that lay before us. Just my thoughts.

AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE COMMENT made by Anna:
keep them coming! we fist-smack you (as said in ASL meaning that we just love you).
Whoa! My first fist-smack...beyond an emotional experience.
(Not to worry, I'm sure I'll calm down soon...kind of living a strange period right now.)

THE DEAF COMMUNITY NEEDS TO LISTEN TO ITS KIDS

The following was a comment on Rita's Expressive Blog WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE NOT ACCEPTING OF THEIR DEAFNESS?

As for people who were born Deaf, their acceptance really pans out to how their parents treat them and look at them. If a parent refuses to allow the child to learn ASL, the child will feel something is missing, especially when the child meets a group of Deaf people using sign language in a public place, like a restaurant, or a movie theater. That can serve as an epiphany to the Deaf child who only knows the oralist method, or the cued speech method.
The parents need to nurture their Deaf children with love, with encouragement to have Deaf friends like themselves, the parents need to discard their fear of the Deaf community. It is only natural when a parent fears the Deaf community, because the parents do not know how to sign, and the parents want to know what their children are saying.
In short, sometimes parents don’t realize they neglect their children by depriving them to full access to communication.
Some Deaf people do have lipreading skills, if the hearing person doesn’t know how to sign, the work is cut out for Deaf people in straining their eyes to lipread. If the Deaf individual cannot lipread, and cannot read ASL signs, that person would struggle with acceptance of the Deafness, because that person doesn’t have full access to communication.
There’s frustration, insecurity, awkwardness, insufficience, incontinence, low self-esteem, low morale, and many other waves of emotions.
One thing which causes some not to accept their Deafness is pride, they worry more about how the hearing world views them more than how their fellow counterparts (Deaf people) view them. For people, pride can be their worse enemy. They want to keep pushing the “envelope” in being able to function without having to use sign language.
That is their choice, and their loss, that is, if they feel more comfortable in the hearing world.
Sometimes they fool themselves.
We have identity, and acceptance of our deafness, and we gain MANY friends in the Deaf world.
Either it is our gain, or our loss, it is our choice. Do we know what our identity is?
I have a Deaf identity, and I am proud of it, and am happier that way.

Oh, where to begin? First of all, thank you to deafread.com for posting all of these thought-provoking blogs and once again thanks to Abbie because I don't know how long it would have been before I found the site. Second of all, the deaf community is evolving because the cochlear implant represents the opportunity for deaf children to participate actively in the hearing community. More importantly, there are a growing number of COCHLEAR IMPLANT COMMUNITIES.
My parents divorced when I was very young and the war started. I was placed in the middle between two battling, hurt and immature adults and I learned to become objective and never take sides because I loved both of my parents. I am Jewish and live in a country with crucifixes in every classroom and restaurant, but I know who I am and do not expect others to necessarily conform to my religion. My sister Niki is a lesbian(dyke) and has created a strong identity within that community. If she loves a woman, I love her and just want her to be happy. I am an American living in an Italian world, yet my identity is American and I respect the Italian way of thinking. The important thing is that each of us is comfortable within our own skin and feels at home with each individual identity that forms who we are as the beings that move through the day. STOP JUDGING OTHERS, take a look at who you are and love yourself for all that life has brought you.
I created this blog to tell a little about our experience and to promote awareness as to other inspirational experiences in deafness. Each child and his or her family follows a different path that MUST be respected and protected.

To give you an example of today's parents of deaf children, I'd like to add Eva's premonition that I neglected to add to the CHOSEN post, but she really wanted to share with any readers:
I was 6 to 8 months pregnant watching a show about a surgeon
who was performing a cochlear implant surgery on a 2 1/2 year old.....I was very moved and simply in awe of his work. Something made me write his name on a piece of paper....
My husband had asked me why I was writing the surgeon's name and I told him, "You never know if our kids may need tubes and its always good to have the name of a good ENT"...He looked at me with a puzzled expression, but figured it was just my pregnancy hormones.
As Mia arrived into our world, through the early months I could see that something was just not right. I initially thought she was autistic and made an appointment with our local hospital to have her hearing tested.
The results led us to see the cochlear implant team at Sick Kids Hospital in Canada.
That day I took out the piece of paper I had saved for 4 months with the ENT's name and number.
I knew this was the man that would give our daughter the miracle of hearing.
To this day...6 years later, I still keep that paper in my wallet
so that I am reminded that premonitions do happen.

Now, meet Gage. I remember the first time Jordan had a conversation with his cochlear implant. He called us twelve times from my mother-in-law's house, he was so excited to finally be able to talk on the phone...GO GAGE!


PS. Thank you to the people who have left supportive,informative and really soul-baring comments, I appreciate every single one of them and hope that they will help others reading...Jodi
D-Pan video of Waiting on the World to Change
Couldn't find the embedded version, but here are the lyrics to Waiting on the World to Change.