Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Sound of Music

Kim wrote: "Seems like you have become deeply philosophical in your Jack Benny year. 39. It's a great year. Life is good eternally, even in sadness. Sometimes that is when it's at its best-- looking back. Weird to say that I think, and some people will wonder what I mean but I think you know".

And Debbie wrote: "...Perspective really is everything. Sometimes when I have to do the things to Amelia that no mother should have to do to her child (suction her throat with a catheter that sometimes gags her and other times gives her hiccups for a long, long time or put in a new g-tube, or cauterize her g-tube site, or pushing her through physical challenges -- like crawling 10 feet -- while she cries and howls at me, etc), I cry. It's unfair that a child, who looks to her parents for safety, has to endure any of it..."

I did not work for twelve years aside from teaching some English lessons here and there after having worked since I was thirteen, so that I could give Jordan a voice. On the other hand, I worked like I had never before worked in my life staying home with Jordan.

And he is independent.

Ironically, at the moment in which he reached his independence, my dependence smacked me straight in the face.

I learned that respect began with me.

And it was thanks to my son and what he taught me through his battle for that independence that I have finally achieved my own.

So, to Debbie, I say that there is no other person in the world who offers such a level of safety and security to Amelia as you. And as you know, no other greater life teacher than Amelia for you.

And to Kim, I reply...It's a particular moment filled with particular thoughts about minute particulars. And somehow even throughout the difficulties, I feel particularly fine.


kim said...

Being a stay at home mom was the toughest job I ever had. I hated being dependent on my husband. It was a tremendous sacrifice. But I don't regret it.

Yes-- I understand. You are living in the moment for now because that's what you need to do.

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