Sunday, August 23, 2009
It's kind of a particular time in my life where I have been trying to maintain an equilibrium and dedicate the right amount of time to everyone and everything while experiencing a lot of emotions. There have been so many things I've wanted to write about involving deafness and other things, but I have like this block thing going on. Maybe it's emotional overload.
I've always been the type of person who has tried to please everyone around me. Only in that way, have I been able to achieve peace. I guess it's a form of controlling my environment. But then things change and you realize you have no more control, nor do you have certain responsibilities towards certain people as much as you still feel the need to unconditionally love them. People can choose not to want that love, especially when that love may block them from becoming the person they want to be.
Unconditionally loving someone is letting go and accepting the fact that that person doesn't need your love anymore to grow and move on. But a strange thing happens when you give love unconditionally without any expectations...you yourself grow and learn to stand on your own two feet.
So, here I am standing on my own two feet. The return to Tuscany after the fresh American air has been truly difficult this time. My only solace has been the sea..I do realize that sounds dramatic, but it's the truth. Well, not entirely. Jordan and Sofia have grown and matured during the summer. Whereas Jordan and I used to have some serious summer homework battles, he now takes out his books and pencil-case and sits down to work. Sofia sits across from him at the kitchen table and after twenty minutes of sibling rivalry, they manage to do ten minutes of homework. I kind of just sit back, referee and observe them thinking how unbelievably fast my kids have grown. Having two kids was the best decision we ever made.
Somehow, when I think about my kids...the writer's block starts to dissolve.